formal email

[dakochan]

hi, this is my first formal email, i'm not really confident about it. would u please check it for me?

the case:
i've paid my school fee and according to the college i'll received a notification letter. but it's been 3 weeks since i did that and i haven't got any mail from them.
here is the mail:

Dear Ms. Shierly,

I am Dakochan (student ID No:1234). I am writing to confirm that I have paid the International Student Semester Fee of $1234 Cdn. on March 14, 2008. I am looking forward to receive the Letter of Acceptance. I would be grateful if you could inform me whether you have received the payment or not and would you please kindly e-mail me when you have sent the Letter of Acceptance? So that I would know if there is a missed postal delivery.

Thank you for your attention.

Sincerely,
Dakochan

 

[David L.]

Dear Ms. Shierly,
re (John) Dakochan ID No. 1234

I am contacting you to confirm that I paid the International Student Semester Fee of $1234 Cdn. on March 14, 2008. I am looking forward to receiving the Letter of Acceptance. I would be grateful if you could confirm that payment has been received. Also, it would be most appreciated if you could please kindly e-mail me when you have sent the Letter of Acceptance. I am concerned in case there is a missed postal delivery.

Thanking you for your trouble.

Sincerely,
John Dakochan

Note: If you had written ...'that I have paid the International Student Semester Fee of $1234 Cdn.'
the present perfect tense would have been correct. However:
.you have given a definite date, it was paid on that date, it is done, over, as of that date, so use the past tense

 

[Lora_]

Hello,

I have recently decided to write to several British universities.I need some information and I have written a lot of formal letters.However,this is the first time I need to write an email for a real situation.Is there anything special about a letter of enquiry?I am not asking for a sample letter just some tips so i don't mess up.

Thank you in advance.

 

[Tdol]

Not really- I write formal emails and formal letters the same way.