Grammar and writing, Help!!!

Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Anonymous

Guest
Hi:

This is a letter I intend to send to a prospective employer. They have requested me to submit additional information regarding my salaries, reason for leaving, experience in insurance and cargo. Any suggestion and correction is thanked.


:p
Dear Ms. xxx:


Thank you for your interest. I left my job last xxx when the company, a xxx trading company, closed operations. I worked there for xx years. In (year) the company changed its name but I was re-hired by them immediately.



I started working in (year) with a salary of $xxxx per month. In (year) when ABC hired me I earned $xxxxx per month. My salary was progressively increased through the years. My last salary was $xxxxxx per month.



One of my duties was to arrange re-exportation insurance with the local insurance companies. Regarding documentation for cargo, it depends on what you are shipping, where and how, but generally you may need to prepare sets of invoice, packing list, bill of lading and certificate of origin.



Finally, I would be pleased to be considered in the selection of your personnel.



Sincerely,
 

RonBee

Moderator
Joined
Feb 9, 2003
Member Type
Other
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Thank you for your interest. I left my job last xxx when the company, a xxx trading company, closed operations. I worked there for xx years. In (year) the company changed its name but I was re-hired by them immediately.

You need to change the last sentence. Try:

  • In xxxx the company resumed operations under a new name, and rehiring me was one of the first things they did.

If that seems too much like bragging, you can always rework it.

I started working in (year) with a salary of $xxxx per month. In (year) when ABC hired me I earned $xxxxx per month. My salary was progressively increased through the years. My last salary was $xxxxxx per month.

  • I started working in (year) at a salary of $xxxx per month. In (year) when ABC hired me I earned $xxxxx per month. My salary has risen steadily through the years. My last salary was $xxxxxx per month at xxxx.

:)
 

RonBee

Moderator
Joined
Feb 9, 2003
Member Type
Other
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
One of my duties was to arrange re-exportation insurance with the local insurance companies. Regarding documentation for cargo, it depends on what you are shipping, where and how, but generally you may need to prepare sets of invoice, packing list, bill of lading and certificate of origin.

  • One of my duties was to arrange re-exportation insurance with the local insurance companies. Regarding documentation for cargo, it depends on what you are shipping, where and how, but generally you may need to prepare sets of invoices, packing lists, bills of lading and certificates of origin.

Finally, I would be pleased to be considered in the selection of your personnel.

That is, I think, awkward at best. Try:

  • Thank you for considering my application.

Or:

  • I would very much like to work for your company, and I look forward to a productive relationship.

What do you think?

:)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top