Hannah came to the party wearing

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

Hannah came to the party wearing a red cape and a floppy black hat. A white wool scarf was wrapped up around her neck. She was large and mannish, and wherever she turned up, she became an object of attention.
 

tedmc

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a white woolen scarf
 

Lynxear

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

Hannah came to the party wearing a red cape and a floppy black hat. A white [STRIKE]wool[/STRIKE] woolen scarf was wrapped [STRIKE]up[/STRIKE] around her neck. She was large and mannish, and wherever she turned up, she became an object of attention.

The big problem I have with these sentences is that the last sentence does not follow the first one. You are describing her entering a party and she sounds like she is well dressed. Then in your last sentence you describe her in a rather negative way. "She became an object of attention" is a bit meaningless to me because the way you describe her. Is the attention due to her mannish looks and being large (hardly flattering) or her sense of style.

That aside, I would write the part I highlighted in red this way

She was a large mannish woman and the object of attention wherever she went.
 

Bassim

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Lynxear,

I have tried to describe a Viking woman, you can see in Nordic countries. They are tall and large and often dress fashionably. They immediately drew attention to themselves.
 

Lynxear

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Well, now you understand the role that context plays in making the sentence understandable. You never provided context so I took the sentence at face value.

My corrections still apply.
 

Tdol

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Is there anything in your description that alerts the reader to the fact that she is Viking? I am afraid that I missed this.
 
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