help thnx

Status
Not open for further replies.
T

tachi

Guest
inspired by my friends i wrote some confusing things....
and i always doubted my grammar
last few times they claimed i made them cried
i already checked them over and over myself
but still not sure
so can anyone lend me some help with grammar?


I lay in my bed as the night falls. The clouds gathered concealing the sky dimming the world. My eyes fixed on the door, waiting for it to open. The room was absence of sound to the point I can hear my own heart’s beat. I closed my eyes, his scent fill the room as if he’s just near.

Sun shinning through the window, morning finally came. The sun light landed on his pale face. Laying there like a lifeless doll, he is as beautiful as always. Maybe because I haven’t slept for the whole night, everything seemed like a dream. Although I abhor the scent the hospital carried but knowing he’s here I won’t hesitate even for a second to be by his side.

The sky is getting dark, no longer can I see the sun. Wind became chilly, suddenly I felt cold, my legs are tired. How long have I been walking? Despair took over me when I realized I don’t have a destination. Where can I go? Why am I here?

The sky got darker as we walked on the sidewalk. I followed behind Kyo but neither of us spoke, this is the first time that I’m scared by the silence between us. I really wanted to reach out my hand and grab him, to let him know how much I miss him during these years. But I couldn’t , afraid that he would ran away like last time, afraid that I would lose him again, too afraid to take any chances.

You started to cry, our parents always said you’re the most mature out of three of us but I noticed ever since I told you about my feeling you cried so often. Is it really that painful for you to accept me?

I don’t think the question here is I believe you or not, it’s just the pain, can I still handle it? Maybe it’s better for both of us to keep a distance, I don’t want you to regret. Maybe then you would remember me in the most perfect way.

You’re leaving today, it’s already noon now are you in the airport yet? Looking at the clock, time is passing me by. Somehow I wish the time can be stop, then at least I still know you’re somewhere near me even if you’re not with me. I began to feel foolish, looking at the time you should already left…

.looking at the clock on the wall I really wish that it would turn the other way, to the time before I know what love meant. It’s too cruel, if we can’t be together then why we have to meet? If we met each other then why we can’t love each other? If I crossed the boundary will we be punish? I don’t care if I can’t have happiness I just want the person I love to be happy.
 

Casiopea

VIP Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2003
Member Type
Other
Wonderful!
I made a few minor changes.
Please read below. :D


I lie in my bed as the night falls. The clouds gathered concealing the sky dimming the world. My eyes fixed on the door, waiting for it to open. The room was absent of sound to the point I could hear my own heart’s beat. I closed my eyes, his scent filled the room as if he’s near.

Sun shinning through the window, morning finally came. The sunlight landed on his pale face. Laying there like a lifeless doll, he is as beautiful as always. Maybe because I haven’t slept for the whole night, everything seemed like a dream now. Although I abhor the scent the hospital carries, knowing he’s here I won’t hesitate even for a second to be by his side.

The sky is getting dark, no longer can I see the sun. The wind has a chill to it;suddenly I feel cold--my legs are tired. How long have I been walking? Despair took over me when I realize I don’t have a destination. Where can I go? Why am I here?

The sky got darker as we walked on the sidewalk. I followed behind Kyo but neither of us spoke. This is the first time that I’m scared by the silence between us. I really wanted to reach out my hand and grab him, to let him know how much I missed him during these years. But I couldn’t, afraid that he would run away like last time, afraid that I would lose him again, too afraid to take any chances.

You started to cry. Our parents always said you’re the most mature out of the three of us, but I noticed ever since I told you about my feelings that you cry so often. Is it really that painful for you to accept me?

I don’t think the question here is about me believing you or not. It’s just the pain--can I still handle it? Maybe it’s better for both of us to keep our distance; Maybe then you would remember me in the most perfect way.

You're leaving today. It’s already noon now. Are you at the airport yet? Looking at the clock, time is passing me by. Somehow I wish the time would stand still, then at least I would still know you’re somewhere near me even if you’re not with me. I began to feel foolish, looking at the time. You should have already left…

Looking at the clock on the wall I really wish that it would turn the other way, to the time before I knew what love meant. It’s too cruel, if we can’t be together then why did we have to meet? If we met each other then why couldn't we love each other? If I crossed the boundary will we both be punished? I don’t care if I can’t have happiness; I just want the person I love to be happy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top