Help with my Cover Letter

[baumi10]

Hi! I'm a 19-year-old boy from Germany writing now his first application in English.
I would be very grateful if you could proof-read it and name the mistakes ;-)

Thanks in advance!

(Notice: A/B means that A and B differ depending where I'm going to apply; the whole application is via email)



Subject Line: Volunteer Application

Dear Mr./Mrs. Prename Surname,

I am writing to inquire about the possibility of being accepted as a volunteer in your school/kindergarten/college.
Having finsihed the school in 4 months by now, I am looking for an anthrophosophically oriented institution in which I want to work in for one year within my Voluntary Year of Social Service (German “FSJ”) in order to work with children/mentally disabled people, gain more experience in the fields of education and language as well as meet other countries and their cultures.

I am a 19-year-old German on the brink of my a-level exam, very interested in sports, nature and helping others. I love science, computers, painting and music and the work with children/mentally disabled persons.

Therefore I hope I can support you in your daily work with children and in anything else, e.g. cleaning rooms, gardening or other upcoming activities.

For further information, I add a sheet I received from the organization through which I am planning my Voluntary Year of Social Service abroad. If you have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.


I look forward to hearing from you.




At the end, I will add some attachments (CV with photograph, certificates).
What do you think of it? :-D

 

[Anglika]

Welcome to the forums.

Hi! I'm a 19-year-old boy from Germany writing now his first application in English.
I would be very grateful if you could proof-read it and name the mistakes ;-)

Thanks in advance!

(Notice: A/B means that A and B differ depending where I'm going to apply; the whole application is via email)



Subject Line: Volunteer Application

Dear Mr./Mrs. Surname, In the salutation only use the surname.

I am writing to inquire about the possibility of being accepted as a volunteer in your school/kindergarten/college.

I am a 19-year-old German on the brink of my a-level exam,[use the German term for this exam standard] very interested in sports, nature and helping others. I love science, computers, painting and music and the work with children/mentally disabled persons.

Having finished school four months ago, I am looking for an anthroposophically oriented institution in which I can work for one year to do my Voluntary Year of Social Service (German “FSJ”) I want to work with children/mentally disabled people, and to gain more experience in the fields of education and language as well as experience other countries and their cultures.

I hope I can support you in your daily work with children and in anything else, e.g. cleaning rooms, gardening or other upcoming activities.

For further information, I add a sheet I received from the organization through which I am planning my Voluntary Year of Social Service abroad. If you have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.


I look forward to hearing from you.




At the end, I will add some attachments (CV with photograph, certificates).
What do you think of it? :-D

I have done some changing round, and indicated errors.

Have you done any similar work already? Or even any voluntary work with either children or the mentally disabled? If so, then add in a sentence or two about that. Previous experience is always welcomed.

 

[baumi10]

Thank you very much, Anglika.

Quote: Having finished school four months ago ...

I wanted to express that I still have to go four months to school, but after that, I will do my Social Year.
Is it alright to say

Having finished school in four months from now, ... ?

 

[Anglika]

Ah! I did wonder which it was. Any of these will work:

"I will have finished school in four months' time and..."

"In four months' time I will finish school, and ..."

"I will finish school in July and..."