S
SunnyLiu
Guest
Dear Sir,
Can you have an overall revise for me? I have written an article for IELTS test. Can you give me a hand?
Yours,
Sunny
Topic:There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
As the birth of human, music plays an important role in people’s daily life. In fact, there are various kinds of music in the world today, such as traditional music and international music. Some people maintain that international music is more important than the traditional music. Personally, I don’t think their view makes any sense.
Actually, being traditional is quite from being out of date or obsolete. Traditional is what we inherit from our forefathers, and its being handed down from generation to generation, proves its capacity to survive. It is only those things that have weathered arduous trials time after time that can be called tradition; otherwise, they are something obsolete.
For another, all these traditional music have stood the test of time; therefore they are the prime of one nation’s culture and history. On the contrary, their existence tends to propel and even accelerate the development of international music. If we compare the development of the music to the construction of modern building, the traditional music can be likened to the foundation. Without a solid foundation, the building is destined to collapse.
In addition, the development of international music originates in traditional music. Thus, development itself requires its assistance.
In a word, traditional music is a necessary ingredient for the development of music. From what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that traditional music is mire important than international music.

Can you have an overall revise for me? I have written an article for IELTS test. Can you give me a hand?
Sunny
Topic:There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
As the birth of human, music plays an important role in people’s daily life. In fact, there are various kinds of music in the world today, such as traditional music and international music. Some people maintain that international music is more important than the traditional music. Personally, I don’t think their view makes any sense.
Actually, being traditional is quite from being out of date or obsolete. Traditional is what we inherit from our forefathers, and its being handed down from generation to generation, proves its capacity to survive. It is only those things that have weathered arduous trials time after time that can be called tradition; otherwise, they are something obsolete.
For another, all these traditional music have stood the test of time; therefore they are the prime of one nation’s culture and history. On the contrary, their existence tends to propel and even accelerate the development of international music. If we compare the development of the music to the construction of modern building, the traditional music can be likened to the foundation. Without a solid foundation, the building is destined to collapse.
In addition, the development of international music originates in traditional music. Thus, development itself requires its assistance.
In a word, traditional music is a necessary ingredient for the development of music. From what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that traditional music is mire important than international music.