how better tell

[Anonymous]

hi, what would you understand if i start a poem/lyrics with the sentence
"how better tell"

THanks

 

[RonBee]

The phrase "how better tell" is not a sentence, nor is that word combination ever likely to be used in a sentence.

 

[orlando]

hey Ron,
Thanks for you quick reply! yes, i thought my combination of words was a load of nonsense! anyway, i'm gonna write one of my little poems and i would appreciate if you could tell me your opinion.. i think you're the right mentor!

The Seagull says the truth

See the flame
It feeds the brain
and your writing hands
gentle bones
let the ink
tell the scene
when the seagull mewed
at the duke
you are surely just a fool
to worry as you do
oh why...

Hold the flame
keep it plain
weave your right-side words
beyond the doors
basic truths
arise from the youth
when the simple things
made you tick
you are surely just a fool
to worry as you do
no one likes mistakes
oh no...

 

[RonBee]

I like it, but I would change the endings of the stanzas just a bit. (Addition by subtraction.) Why don't you post it in the Poetry and Writing folder?

Have you seen the couplets thread? Perhaps you could post something there.

Good on you!

 

[orlando]

hi Ron,

saw you moved the messages!
thanks for your advices (even though i'm not convinced what you mean exactly by "addition by subtraction").... :? glad you like it anyway! i will definitely post some more writing soon...

stay well
orlando

 

[Red5]

addition by subtraction

Sometimes things can be made better by removing instead of adding more. Have you ever heard the expression Less is More?

PS - Welcome to UsingEnglish!

:hi:

 

[orlando]

all right! i see what you mean now!
thanks :wink:

 

[RonBee]

hi Ron,

saw you moved the messages!
thanks for your advices (even though i'm not convinced what you mean exactly by "addition by subtraction").... :? glad you like it anyway! i will definitely post some more writing soon...

stay well
orlando

Actually, Red moved this thread. I was just as surprised as you. :wink:

I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.