how to express it - shyness

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JACEK1

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Hello all forum users!

I know a person who finds it hard to make friends with other people. He is not ill-disposed towards them but as soon as a new person appears in his group of acquaintaces, he seems to behave like a mannequin.
Could I express such a thought by writing the following two sentences:

Because of total shyness, he almost always ends up showing a mean (unfriendly) face to new acquaintances when (he is) attempting to make friends with them.

Because of total shyness, he almost always gets off to a bad start with new people when (he is) attempting to make friends with them.
What is your opinion?
Thank you.
Please do answer my question.

PLEASE

Should I construct the sentences in another way so that you can answer them?
 
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J

J&K Tutoring

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I think this is not the first time it has been suggested that you number your examples/questions/sentences!

It's always best to keep sentences short. His initial interaction with new acquaintances comes before he decides he wants to make friends, and he will get off to a bad start whether he wants to be friends or not.

1. He is so shy that he almost always ends up showing a mean (unfriendly) face to new acquaintances.

2.
Because of his shyness, he almost always gets off to a bad start with new people.
"Total shyness" is not a common phrase.
 

emsr2d2

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Making a mean, unfriendly face towards people isn't covered by "he seems to behave like a mannequin". If you tell me that's how someone behaves, I would assume that they stand completely still and unresponsive with a neutral look on their face.
 
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