I AM NEW HERE I VE GOT A PROBLEM

[wanawang]

hi , here is a poem i wrote but i am not sure if there any mistake i did , pls check for me thanks in advance
_____________________________________
Night is not long for u

There is a soul in me called you
There is a shelter protecting me called family
There is a promise around me called love
There is a hand holding me called supporting

Whenever I am in trouble I won't fear cos you are with me
Whatever I need I will be satisfied cos you always understand me
Wherever I am lost I won't be scattered cos I know you will guide me

This evening, you whispered to me that you won't let me down ever
I showed smile to you without word,the only way I've to express my feeling
I appreciate you, appreciate Lord for sending such a nice gift like you into my life...

 

[RonBee]

I suggest:

• There is a soul in me called you.
  There is a shelter protecting me called family.
  There is a promise around me called love.
  There is a hand holding me called support.
  
  Whenever I am in trouble, I won't be afraid, because you are with me
  Whatever I am in need, I will be satisfied, because you always understand me.
  Wherever I am lost, I won't be afraid, because I know you will guide me.
  
  This evening, you whispered to me that you won't let me down ever.
  I smiled to you without words, the only way I have to express my feelings.
  I appreciate you and appreciate the Lord for sending such a nice gift like you into my life.

What do you think?

 

[wanawang]

good thanks a lot!!!

another question at first i add " the" instead " a" in the first paragraph. but when i read it i feel something not flowing. so i changed for "a" . if i use "the" , is it wrong ? pls guide me . i always cannot use a good way for "a" and " the" . make me crazy .



thanks for ur kind help....

 

[Casiopea]

Re: good thanks a lot!!!

another question at first i add " the" instead " a" in the first paragraph. but when i read it i feel something not flowing. so i changed for "a" . if i use "the" , is it wrong ? pls guide me . i always cannot use a good way for "a" and " the" . make me crazy .



thanks for ur kind help....

There is a soul in me called you. (OK)
It expresses,

There is a particular soul in me called you.

Here, "a" refers to 1, one soul.

beautiful poem. 8)

 

[wanawang]

thank u , u make me feel power...

now i think " a " its good . thx for ur help and make me powered

:wink: :!: