Bassim
VIP Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Bosnian
- Home Country
- Bosnia Herzegovina
- Current Location
- Sweden
Please, would you help me and proofread my poem and tell me where I made mistakes
My neighbour from the third floor is dying
I haven't seen him walking with his stick for weeks
Home Care Services' cars are often here
Young men and women taking care of the dying man
When he dies they will take care of another dying person
Harbingers of the soulless society
The dying man had a wife who had already died of sudden death
At that day the only person who really felt sorrow for her
was the dying man
She didn't spend one single day in old people's home
A good investment one can say
Through the window of my room
I see another dying couple
I believed they would not stand so long
Their fragile bodies tremble whenever I see them
They move like in slow motion
If they fell they would never rise again
Now and then the yellow ambulance takes them away
But they always return just when I think it is all over
They would never walk again
Who knows what gives them zeal to continue
Probably they want to compete with the dying man
or simply annoy their family who want the flat
Maybe their say
We paid such high taxes
We deserve a prolonged death
I have been dying much longer before them
Since the day I made my first step
I am very experienced when it is about expiring, fading away
Still it makes me proud to see my brothers and sisters struggling
Moving their limbs with the power of will
Fighting until their last breath.
My neighbour from the third floor is dying
I haven't seen him walking with his stick for weeks
Home Care Services' cars are often here
Young men and women taking care of the dying man
When he dies they will take care of another dying person
Harbingers of the soulless society
The dying man had a wife who had already died of sudden death
At that day the only person who really felt sorrow for her
was the dying man
She didn't spend one single day in old people's home
A good investment one can say
Through the window of my room
I see another dying couple
I believed they would not stand so long
Their fragile bodies tremble whenever I see them
They move like in slow motion
If they fell they would never rise again
Now and then the yellow ambulance takes them away
But they always return just when I think it is all over
They would never walk again
Who knows what gives them zeal to continue
Probably they want to compete with the dying man
or simply annoy their family who want the flat
Maybe their say
We paid such high taxes
We deserve a prolonged death
I have been dying much longer before them
Since the day I made my first step
I am very experienced when it is about expiring, fading away
Still it makes me proud to see my brothers and sisters struggling
Moving their limbs with the power of will
Fighting until their last breath.
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