i need some editing

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gonghai

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Topic: Why is having a driver’s license so important?

In Canada, almost eighty percent of Canadians have a driver’s license. If I do not have a license I would find it very inconvenient. The license has specific purposes; namely it serves as an identification card and a license for driving a vehicle.

Inside many Canadian citizens’ wallet the driver’s license is the only ID with a picture. Thus, its purpose is to prove the identity of the license holder. For instance, when opening a bank account or applying for a MasterCard I am required to show two pieces of ID and one of them has to have a picture on it, in this case, the driver license comes in handy. The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, undoubted if somehow I looses my wallet, the founder would know where to return it.

Today, many jobs require an employee to have a driver’s license. For instance, an accountant without a license will find it inconvenient and a waste of time always having to take a bus to see his or her clients. A man in the name of Ben Franklin once said, “Time is money.” Having a license and being able to drive a car would save precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrives at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive. Not only that, many people these days tend to be very bias, they will look up to me if I can drive and have my own car. For example, I have noticed many businessmen have very expensive cars, such as, BMW or Mercedes Benz. So in the future I become a businesswomen, I am definite that I will be more successful if I have my own car.

Today, having a driver’s license is almost mandatory. Without a license and not being able to drive in today’s world is inconvenient because the license represent one’s reputation and identification.


can someone edit my grammer and tell where i went wrong. also give me some suggestion, for example is my essay entertaining or etc


i am basically trying to practice my expository essay and hoping to pass the lpi so i welcome all feedback (even negatives one, i would be happy to hear because i know they will help me improve)
the lpi will be marked by professors or marker from the university of British Columbia. so i am hoping that you can rate my essay on the quality..

thanks in advance
:D
 

gonghai

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2004
Topic: Why is having a driver’s license so important?

In Canada, almost eighty percent of Canadians have a driver’s license. If I do not have a license I would find it very inconvenient. The license has specific purposes; namely it serves as an identification card and a license for driving a vehicle.

Inside many Canadian citizens’ wallet the driver’s license is the only ID with a picture. Thus, its purpose is to prove the identity of the license holder. For instance, when opening a bank account or applying for a MasterCard I am required to show two pieces of ID and one of them has to have a picture on it, in this case, the driver license comes in handy. The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, undoubted if somehow I looses my wallet, the founder would know where to return it.

Today, many jobs require an employee to have a driver’s license. For instance, an accountant without a license will find it inconvenient and a waste of time always having to take a bus to see his or her clients. A man in the name of Ben Franklin once said, “Time is money.” Having a license and being able to drive a car would save precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrives at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive. Not only that, many people these days tend to be very bias, they will look up to me if I can drive and have my own car. For example, I have noticed many businessmen have very expensive cars, such as, BMW or Mercedes Benz. So in the future I become a businesswomen, I am definite that I will be more successful if I have my own car.

Today, having a driver’s license is almost mandatory. Without a license and not being able to drive in today’s world is inconvenient because the license represent one’s reputation and identification.


can someone edit my grammer and tell where i went wrong. also give me some suggestion, for example is my essay entertaining or etc


i am basically trying to practice my expository essay and hoping to pass the lpi so i welcome all feedback (even negatives one, i would be happy to hear because i know they will help me improve)
the lpi will be marked by professors or marker from the university of British Columbia. so i am hoping that you can rate my essay on the quality..

thanks in advance
:D
 

Tdol

Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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I've been away and it's very late here, so I'll have to look tomorrow. ;-)
 

Tdol

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I've been away and it's very late here, so I'll have to look tomorrow. ;-)
 

RonBee

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gonghai said:
Topic: Why is having a driver’s license so important?

In Canada, almost eighty percent of Canadians have a driver’s license.

That's good. :)

gonghai said:
If I do not have a license I would find it very inconvenient. The license has specific purposes; namely it serves as an identification card and a license for driving a vehicle.

In the first sentence, say "did not" instead of "do not".

gonghai said:
Inside many Canadian citizens’ wallet the driver’s license is the only ID with a picture.

Say "wallets" instead of "wallet".

gonghai said:
Thus, its purpose is to prove the identity of the license holder. For instance, when opening a bank account or applying for a MasterCard I am required to show two pieces of ID and one of them has to have a picture on it, in this case, the driver license comes in handy.

For the sake of consistency, say "driver's license". (Both are used. On Missouri driver's licenses it says "DRIVER LICENSE".)

gonghai said:
The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, undoubted if somehow I looses my wallet, the founder would know where to return it.

  • The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, presumably so that if the owner loses his or her wallet the finder will know where to return it.

:)
 

RonBee

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gonghai said:
Topic: Why is having a driver’s license so important?

In Canada, almost eighty percent of Canadians have a driver’s license.

That's good. :)

gonghai said:
If I do not have a license I would find it very inconvenient. The license has specific purposes; namely it serves as an identification card and a license for driving a vehicle.

In the first sentence, say "did not" instead of "do not".

gonghai said:
Inside many Canadian citizens’ wallet the driver’s license is the only ID with a picture.

Say "wallets" instead of "wallet".

gonghai said:
Thus, its purpose is to prove the identity of the license holder. For instance, when opening a bank account or applying for a MasterCard I am required to show two pieces of ID and one of them has to have a picture on it, in this case, the driver license comes in handy.

For the sake of consistency, say "driver's license". (Both are used. On Missouri driver's licenses it says "DRIVER LICENSE".)

gonghai said:
The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, undoubted if somehow I looses my wallet, the founder would know where to return it.

  • The driver’s license is also the only ID that has a personal self-mailing address, presumably so that if the owner loses his or her wallet the finder will know where to return it.

:)
 

RonBee

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gonghai said:
Today, many jobs require an employee to have a driver’s license. For instance, an accountant without a license will find it inconvenient and a waste of time always having to take a bus to see his or her clients. A man in the name of Ben Franklin once said, “Time is money.” Having a license and being able to drive a car would save precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrives at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive. Not only that, many people these days tend to be very bias, they will look up to me if I can drive and have my own car. For example, I have noticed many businessmen have very expensive cars, such as, BMW or Mercedes Benz. So in the future I become a businesswomen, I am definite that I will be more successful if I have my own car.

Say: "a man by the name of Ben Franklin" or "a man named Ben Franklin".
Say:
  • Having a license and being able to drive a car saves precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrive at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive.
Say:
  • Not only that, many people these days tend to be very biased. They will look up to me if I can drive and I have my own car.
Say:
  • So if in the future I become a businesswomen, I am certain that I will be more successful if I have my own car.



gonghai said:
Today, having a driver’s license is almost mandatory. Without a license and not being able to drive in today’s world is inconvenient because the license represent one’s reputation and identification.

Say "Not having a license" instead of "Without a license'. Say: "the license represents one's status and serves as identification."

What do you think?

:)
 

RonBee

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gonghai said:
Today, many jobs require an employee to have a driver’s license. For instance, an accountant without a license will find it inconvenient and a waste of time always having to take a bus to see his or her clients. A man in the name of Ben Franklin once said, “Time is money.” Having a license and being able to drive a car would save precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrives at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive. Not only that, many people these days tend to be very bias, they will look up to me if I can drive and have my own car. For example, I have noticed many businessmen have very expensive cars, such as, BMW or Mercedes Benz. So in the future I become a businesswomen, I am definite that I will be more successful if I have my own car.

Say: "a man by the name of Ben Franklin" or "a man named Ben Franklin".
Say:
  • Having a license and being able to drive a car saves precious time and money, because the bus does not always arrive at each stop on time and taking the taxi is expensive.
Say:
  • Not only that, many people these days tend to be very biased. They will look up to me if I can drive and I have my own car.
Say:
  • So if in the future I become a businesswomen, I am certain that I will be more successful if I have my own car.



gonghai said:
Today, having a driver’s license is almost mandatory. Without a license and not being able to drive in today’s world is inconvenient because the license represent one’s reputation and identification.

Say "Not having a license" instead of "Without a license'. Say: "the license represents one's status and serves as identification."

What do you think?

:)
 

RonBee

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gonghai said:
Today, many jobs require an employee to have a driver’s license.

You might want to say:
  • Today, many employers require their employees to have driver's licenses.

What do you think?

:)
 

Tdol

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Thanks a millions,Ron.;-)
 

RonBee

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tdol said:
Thanks a millions,Ron.;-)

You're welcome. :D

(Did I do a good job?)

:)
 

RonBee

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Re: =)

gonghai said:
hey thanks ronbee and tdol for the editing

You're welcome. :D

(What would RonBee the editor change in your sentence?)

:)
 
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