I need your kind help for my motivation letter

[sana jp]

I am writing my motivation letter for master's program.
I really need your help, because I'm not confident to my English and I should send this letter tomorrow:-(
I would really appreciate your correction or suggestion.


here is my motivation letter,




Dear Sir or Madam;


I am writing to apply for the Master's degree program XXX at XXX University. I would like to gain the practical lighting design skill and the knowledge of a wide range of light and the interaction between light and architecture through this program.

I graduated from the Department of Architecture, Faculty of Engineering at XXX University, Japan, with the degree of Bachelor of Engineering in the field of Architecture.
During my studies I have deepened my knowledge not only in planning but also in structural engineering and environmental engineering domains. At the same time, I acquired the design skills and methods through various projects during the design studio section. In my forth year, the focus was set on design and I completed my diploma design project.

Since I began to study architecture, I have been interested in the effect of light on architecture. However, in my opinion, lighting has not been considered very much during design process, especially in living space in my country, even though light is the important element of architecture. Furthermore, it is hardly possible to study architectural lighting design in Japan.

My career goal is to work as a specialist of lighting design in an architect’s office and bring? the efficient use of daylight and artificial lighting on design process of Japanese living space.
For the goal, it is the lectures and training in this program will provide me the essential knowledge and skills.

Addtionally, I expect that the international diversity of this program will let me know different views on light and architecture, which will be worthwhile in my life as a designer. And I will also stimulate other classmates by my experience, sense and knowledge of architecture which I gained in Japan.

With a solid foundation in architecture gained in my Diploma course, I am confident that I will acquire the skills and knowledge required for my future career through this master’s program. I hope that Hochshule Wismar can offer me the chance to realize my dream.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.


Yours faithfully,


Signature


typed name
adress
e.t.c.








Thank you in advance!!

 

[pyoung]

Dear sana:

I am writing my motivation letter for master's program.
I really need your help, because I'm not confident to my English and I should send this letter tomorrow:-(
I would really appreciate your correction or suggestion.


here is my motivation letter,




Dear Sir or Madam;


I am writing to apply for the Master's degree program XXX at XXX University. (I would like to gain the practical lighting design skill and the knowledge of a wide range of light and the interaction between light and architecture through this program.) You could say: I am fascinated by the interaction of light and architecture. Through your program I hope to gain the practical skills in lighting design necessary to give life to my ideas.

I graduated from the Department of Architecture, Faculty of Engineering at XXX University, Japan, with the degree of Bachelor of Engineering in the field of Architecture.
During my studies I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] deepened my knowledge, not only in planning, but also in structural engineering and environmental engineering [STRIKE]domains[/STRIKE]. At the same time, I acquired [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] design skills and familiarity with methods through various projects during the design studio section. In my fourth year, the focus was [STRIKE]set[/STRIKE] on design and I completed my diploma design project. (You may want to state the area or subject of this project.)

Since I began to study architecture, (to avoid repetition of the word 'architecture,' you could say: From the beginning of my studies, I have been interested in the effect of light on architecture.) (However, in my opinion, lighting has not been considered very much during design process, especially in living space in my country, even though light is the important element of architecture. Furthermore, it is hardly possible to study architectural lighting design in Japan.) You could say: I feel strongly that insufficient attention is paid to lighting during the design phase, especially in the design of living spaces in my country, even though lighting is a critical element of any project. In fact, it is nearly impossible to study lighting design in Japan.

My career goal is to work as a specialist of lighting design in an architect’s office and bring the efficient use of daylight and artificial lighting into the design process of Japanese living spaces.[STRIKE] goal, it is the lectures and training in this[/STRIKE] I believe your program will provide me with the essential knowledge and skills to achieve this.

Additionally, I expect that the international [STRIKE]diversity[/STRIKE] character of this program will [STRIKE]let me know[/STRIKE] expose me to different views on light and architecture, which will be worthwhile in my life as a designer. In turn, I will contribute [STRIKE]also stimulate other classmates by my experience,[/STRIKE] my unique [STRIKE]sense and knowledge of architecture[/STRIKE] cultural and design perspective.

With a solid foundation in architecture gained in my Diploma course, I am confident that I will acquire the skills and knowledge required for my future career through this master’s program. I hope that Hochshule Wismar can offer me the chance to realize my dream.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.


Yours faithfully,


Signature


typed name
address
e.t.c.








Thank you in advance!!

I hope this is of some use,

Petra

 

[sana jp]

Thank you very much　for your help, Petra.
I really appreciate your corrections and useful suggestions.
I will improve my motivation letter.

 

[pyoung]

Dear Sana:

I forgot to say, "Good luck!"

All best wishes,

Petra