[Grammar] Is it good to say this at the end of a formal letter?

[thincat]

Hi everyone,

I am writing a formal letter. May I ask if the following sentence is good enough to be included at the end of it?

"I sincerely hope that my application will be granted, upon which I shall be most grateful."

Thank you very much!

 

[Rover_KE]

The preposition 'upon' is wrong. Would you like to try to find a better one?

 

[thincat]

Thank you! I have thought of the following few more choices. But are the grammar and meaning correct?

1. I would be most grateful if my application could be granted.

2. I sincerely hope that my application will be granted and I shall be most grateful.

3. I sincerely hope that my application will be granted, after which I shall be most grateful.

For sentence 1, I am not sure if "could" is a more correct choice of word over "can."
Any comments on the above 3 sentences? Which one is a better choice?
Many thanks!

 

[TheParser]

"I ... upon which I shall be most grateful."

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Hello, Thincat:


I think that the moderator wanted you to choose another preposition (not "upon"). Can you think of one that would be appropriate?

I am replying ONLY to suggest that since it is a formal letter, it might be a good idea NOT to end your letter by expressing your hopes and gratitude.

Here in the United States, people are NOT expected to be too humble or too grateful. They are expected to be polite and business-like. They are not expected to beg.

The person who reads your application knows that you hope that you will be accepted.

The person who reads your application knows that you would be very grateful.

People in official positions are very busy. They appreciate short letters. They will probably read every word. But when they see a long letter full of unnecessary words, they probably pay less attention.



James