Is it right to write: The Japanese must be united. Thanks ..

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Helped Wanted

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Could anyone help check if the following sentences are correct? thanks



The pigs decided to fight against the monkeys. To defeat them, the pigs must be united, but orders were given by the King of the monkeys to stop them gathering together.


Please help correct the passage above. ( I've made up the characters )
 

RonBee

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Re: Is it right to write: The Japanese must be united. Thank

Helped Wanted said:
The pigs decided to fight against the monkeys. To defeat them, the pigs must be united, but orders were given by the King of the monkeys to stop them gathering together.

The beginning part is okay, but the end is a little muddy. Perhaps:
  • The pigs decided to fight against the monkeys. To defeat them, the pigs must be united, but orders were given by the king of the monkeys that the monkeys were not to congregate.
I think that is a little more clear, but I am still not sure what the orders given by the king of the monkeys have to do with the pigs. (This is a little weird. :wink: )

What is your opinion?
 
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