Is the following Memo written correctly?

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Anonymous

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TO: Jonathon Richards
DATE: Current
FROM: Jennifer Valdez
SUBJECT: ENHANCING RECRUITMENT AND RETAINMENT


As you know, the turnover rate of new employees here at Quad Graphics is over 20 percent and filling job vacancies is taking up to a year. At a recent recruiting seminar, I learned that many companies are using early reviews to win and keep the best employees.

Early Reviews Are the Trend

Recruiters at the seminar revealed something that our job candidate's have already hinted at. Our competitors are offering new recruits six-month reviews and performance raises. Although most employers don't want to offer early reviews, they feel pressured to do so. In fact, 30 percent of high-tech employers now offer early reviews to job candidate who ask for them, subsequent performance raises average 2 percent to 8 percent.

Recruitment and Retainment Will Improve

Early reviews enable employers to honor internal starting pay scales, and then give early raises or promotions. Employees are motivated to perform early on; they also tend to stay longer since the company promptly rewards their performance. One company reported that turn over among its best performers has dropped from 10 percent to 1 percent since it began rapid raises.

With your approval, I'd like to offer early reviews and raises to some of our best candidates. So that we may discuss the issue further I’d like to meet with you on Wednesday, November 16, at 10:30. Please let me know if this time is convenient for you.
 

Tdol

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Jen said:
TO: Jonathon Richards
DATE: Current
FROM: Jennifer Valdez
SUBJECT: ENHANCING RECRUITMENT AND RETAINMENT


As you know, the turnover rate of new employees here at Quad Graphics is over 20 percent and filling job vacancies is taking up to a year. At a recent recruiting seminar, I learned that many companies are using early reviews to win and keep the best employees.

Early Reviews Are the Trend

Recruiters at the seminar revealed something that our job candidates have already hinted at. Our(I'd join these sentences. Use a colon after 'at' competitors are offering new recruits six-month reviews and performance raises. Although most employers don't want to offer early reviews, they feel pressured to do so. In fact, 30 percent of high-tech employers now offer early reviews to job candidates who ask for them, subsequent performance raises average 2 percent to 8 percent (This last part doesn't connect very well- how about 'with subsequent raises averaging...).

Recruitment and Retainment Will Improve

Early reviews enable employers to honor internal starting pay scales, and then give early raises or promotions. Employees are motivated to perform early on; they also tend to stay longer since the company promptly rewards their performance. One company reported that turnover among its best performers has dropped from 10 percent to 1 percent since it began rapid raises.

With your approval, I'd like to offer early reviews and raises to some of our best candidates. So that we may discuss the issue further I’d like to meet with you on Wednesday, November 16, at 10:30. Please let me know if this time is convenient for you.
 
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