Is there a better way to say this?

[haha27]

In conclusion, I think that we have to improve educational environment and help students have a dream because great education program and having a dream makes students to focus on their study better. Consequently, increasing teachers’ salary is not better method for improvements in efficiency.

 

[emsr2d2]

In conclusion, I think that we have to improve the educational environment and help students have a dream because a great education program (or "great education programs") and having a dream [STRIKE]makes[/STRIKE] make students [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] focus on their study better. Consequently, increasing teachers’ [STRIKE]salary[/STRIKE] salaries is not a better method for [STRIKE]improvements in[/STRIKE] improving efficiency.

Your formatting is a little odd. Many of the spaces between words were missing (I have corrected them). If you copy and paste again, check your text after you post it and go back and edit it to put the spaces back in if necessary.

There are several issues with the piece, mainly with articles and singular/plural use. I have made various amendments to the whole piece in red above.