is this correct?

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francycham

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I want to write a letter to my boss to provide a communication allowance for one of our employee who uses his own mobile to contact with our company customers for various reasons. Please see below.

Sir,
This is to inform you that our (postition), Mr. using his personal mobile phone to communicate with our customers and for company purpose therefore, I recommend providing him a communication allowance.
 

casablanca_30391

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Dec 26, 2009
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English Teacher
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I want to write a letter to my boss to provide a communication allowance for one of our employee who uses his own mobile to contact with our company customers for various reasons. Please see below.

Sir,
This is to inform you that our (postition), Mr. using his personal mobile phone to communicate with our customers and for company purpose therefore, I recommend providing him a communication allowance.
My dear,
I think that you had better rewrite this letter because it sound quite bad. If you are writing to your boss, I think he will feel little disappointed.
Well,
As I was trained in my college, you should begin with " Dear sir...."
Then " I am writing to you to inform...." (informal) or " I write to you to .." (formal).
I think " personal" is unnecessary.
" and for company purpose" should be " because of useful company's purpose"
You must use a dot before "therefore"
" Therefore, I wonder whether you would mind providing him with a communication allowance"
I hope my knowledge may help u!
Cheers,
 

Barb_D

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I want to write a letter to my boss to provide a communication allowance for one of our employee who uses his own mobile to contact with our company customers for various reasons. Please see below.

Sir,
This is to inform you that our (postition), Mr. using his personal mobile phone to communicate with our customers and for company purpose therefore, I recommend providing him a communication allowance.

I will leave it to you to know whether "Dave" or "Sir" or "Dear Sir" or "Dear Mr. Smith" is the right way to start a letter in your company. In my company, we would just use the person's first name.

One of my salesmen, John Doe, has been using his personal mobile phone for communications with customers and for other business-related purposes. His ability to stay in contact while out of the office is a necessary part of his job. Therefore, I am recommending that he be given a communications allowance. Please let me know if you have any questions.
 
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