Jim, the owner of the nightclub

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

Jim, the owner of the nightclub was found unconsciously beaten at it's entrance. Lying in a hospital bed, he told the police that ever since he opened the nightclub, he had been receiving threats by criminal gangs, demanding he close it down.
 

emsr2d2

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

Jim, the owner of the nightclub was found [STRIKE]unconsciously[/STRIKE] beaten unconscious at [STRIKE]it's[/STRIKE] its entrance. Lying in a hospital bed, he told the police that ever since he had opened the nightclub, he had been receiving threats [STRIKE]by[/STRIKE] from criminal gangs, demanding he close it down.

See above.
 

Tdol

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I would put a comma after the first occurrence of nightclub.
 

bubbha

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In my opinion, it is imperative to put a comma after "nightclub". Without it, the sentence is addressing someone named Jim and informing him about what happened to the nightclub owner. It's like the following:

"Hey, Jim! Did you hear what happened? The owner of the nightclub was found beaten unconscious at its entrance."
 

emsr2d2

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Absolutely. I failed to add the requisite comma in post #2. Sorry.
 
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