John heard his pursuers coming

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

John heard his pursuers coming and smelt his fear wafting out of his body. His heart thumped wildly and he wanted to run away, but his legs felt like they had been ripped apart.
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

His heart pumped wildly, and he wanted to run, but his legs felt like lead.

Or maybe the original would work just fine.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Perhaps:

His heart pumped wildly, and he wanted to run, but his legs felt like lead.

Or maybe the original would work just fine.

I'd go with Bassim's version. That "legs felt like lead" line already gets used enough.
 

Tarheel

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True story. I was wanting to cross the south-bound lane of South Blvd. (a street near here). I didn't see any cars coming, so I started across the street. Then here they come! Instead of speeding up, I froze. Thankfully, the driver of the car in "mh" lane applied the brakes and a bad result was avoided.
 

emsr2d2

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I agree that "his legs felt like lead" is overused but I'm not keen on "his legs felt like they had been ripped apart". Most of us have no idea what that feels like (fortunately) and the phrase doesn't really give me a clear mental image or idea.
 
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