Kindly check my sentences

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new2grammar

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1. The rein of the company is in the hands of Mr. Ray, a veteran of celebrity management, who has been in the field of Bollywood since 1993 & who has been handling business of many big celebrities.

2. We at Celebrity Management are determined to carry/carrying this success story even more ahead and create the new benchmark in the industry.

3. But with Paint Arts you are in safe hands because our art of insightful-driven approach paints effective plan.
 

new2grammar

Senior Member
Joined
May 5, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
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Punjabi
Home Country
India
Current Location
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Your writing could be improved by constructing shorter sentences. It is not a sign of a good writer to construct complex sentences just for the sake of constructing complex sentences. Many people think that it is important to write long, involved, sentences. This is not true. The intent of writing is to communicate. If the reader has to struggle for understanding, communication has not been achieved.

The ambient temperature was clearly above what was considered by many, including the staff of the hotel, to be higher, as the guests would concur, than what would have been considered satisfactory; the temperature actually was not, in any sense, satisfactory to all those in the area.
Or
All in the hotel agreed that the weather was too hot.

Thanks for your suggestion instead short and small is the effective way
 
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