Mr FOUCAULT hey, hey !

[CHOMAT]

Sweep away the sleeky
Hush the day !howling eye
Locked,we are breathing out in this bowl, OOzy
Lost, they are wandering through my spOOky I.

Maroon the naked herd !
Clothe them in pure white.
You baboon! spitting out bubbling words
Few of them miss the apple-tree,its height.

Hark! Listen to the thump
The crystal call of madness
So far we totter, cursing this hump
So far I flow aside drowned in sadness

Bless the smooth grace !
Cold the bar , high the gate!
We make out his fuzzy foggy face
I've settled, brother, your own fate .

 

[Lynxear]

Sweep away the sleeky
Hush the day !howling eye
Locked,we are breathing out in this bowl, OOzy
Lost, they are wandering through my spOOky I.

Maroon the naked herd !
Clothe them in pure white.
You baboon! spitting out bubbling words
Few of them miss the apple-tree,its height.

Hark! Listen to the thump
The crystal call of madness
So far we totter, cursing this hump
So far I flow aside drowned in sadness

Bless the smooth grace !
Cold the bar , high the gate!
We make out his fuzzy foggy face
I've settled, brother, your own fate .

Wow! such energy!

This is not an easy poem to understand, however knowing who Mr. Foucault did help a bit.

Michel Foucault - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

If I may comment on the structure of the poem, you are using a lot of imagery that may mean something to you but is difficult for the reader to understand. This is not a bad thing at all...but sometimes I wonder if the words were chosen for the rhyme rather than the content.

You have an ABAB rhyme structure. But some of the rhyme is not perfect. To me you either rhyme your endings or don't rhyme...you should not sometimes rhyme as it breaks the rhythm of the poem.

Maroon the naked herd !
Clothe them in pure white.
You baboon! spitting out bubbling words
Few of them miss the apple-tree,its height.

In the above verse, either "words" should be singular or "herd" should be plural.

Sweep away the sleeky
Hush the day! howling eye
Locked,we are breathing out in this bowl, OOzy
Lost, they are wandering through my spOOky I.

In the above you have literally made up words to force a rhyme between "sleeky" and "OOzy". Also "wandering through my spOOky I" does not make sense to me, it seems "I" is used solely to force a rhyme with "eye".

Your punctuation usage forces the reader into awkward pauses which interfere with the flow of the words as you read them.

I liked the use of alliteration in this line

We make out his fuzzy foggy face

Overall it was a creative interesting read though.

Regards
Lynx

 

[CHOMAT]

Thank for your contribution ! Your remarks are relevant.
Some explanations : oozy //spooky the OO might echo Auster's MOOn Palace- Just an intuition.
My words have been minutely weighed: the I ending the line is paramount . You should perhaps have a thorough reading of FOUCAULT to get the significance of the I-[B]eye[/B] The I is the nexus of the poem ! . Foucault dealt with illness- normality-asylums- otherness- difference- commonsense to say it briefly.

However, the aim of the poet is also to communicate her/his view on various subjects. I wish I could have succeeded in conveying some sensations by means of poetical means . Allegedly, I've failed for you had to check who Foucault is.

 

[Lynxear]

Thank for your contribution ! Your remarks are relevant.
Some explanations : oozy //spooky the OO might echo Auster's MOOn Palace- Just an intuition.
My words have been minutely weighed: the I ending the line is paramount . You should perhaps have a thorough reading of FOUCAULT to get the significance of the I-[B]eye[/b] The I is the nexus of the poem ! . Foucault dealt with illness- normality-asylums- otherness- difference- commonsense to say it briefly.

However, the aim of the poet is also to communicate her/his view on various subjects. I wish I could have succeeded in conveying some sensations by means of poetical means . Allegedly, I've failed for you had to check who Foucault is.

Well your comments explain a bit more.

It seems as though you are then sort of using Mr. FOUCAULT's voice in this poem...since you use the term "my SpOOky I" and several first person references.

However, your title to this poem - Mr FOUCAULT hey, hey ! - implied to me that you were offering your comment on this person. Usually such an expression is a taunt in English or you are trying to get their attention.

Sort of like the old Vietnam antiwar chant by protesters against the USA president, Lyndon B. Johnson

Hey! Hey! LBJ!
How many kids did you kill today!

So when I read the poem, I thought I was viewing Mr. FOUCAULT through the eye of the poet (yourself) rather than this being the view of the masses by Mr. FOUCAULT.

As far as my not knowing who this person was is not really your fault. He may have been an important figure in France but unless you are a psychology student I doubt that many know of him in Canada. It would have had the same effect on you if I wrote a poem on the first Prime Minister of Canada (John A. MacDonald) who was a drunk but a patriotic visionary drunk

Mr. FOUCAULT and Mr. MacDonald both lead interesting lives.

 

[CHOMAT]

Hey , Hey

My mind hey hey
There is more in the picture
than needs the eye
Out of the blue into the black..
Another great Canadian visionary artist :Mr Neil Young
we need our modern Pythians! So was Mr John A. Mac Donald in his time. What about Diefenbaker ?

 

[Lynxear]

Hey , Hey

My mind hey hey
There is more in the picture
than needs the eye
Out of the blue into the black..
Another great Canadian visionary artist :Mr Neil Young
we need our modern Pythians! So was Mr John A. Mac Donald in his time. What about Diefenbaker ?

You know something of our Prime Ministers?

We have had several good ones. (Honest) John Diefenbaker was a better opposition leader than a Prime Minister. He is known for his oration ability and knowledge of parliament procedure.

A funny story about him:

Parliament debate is supposed to be conducted with decorum. No swearing or name calling is allowed. During one debate Mr. Diefenbaker was disturbed by the the half-truths and outright falsehoods that a member of the Liberal government was spouting in a debate.

He rose to his feet and asked the Speaker of the House (the official in charge of controlling such debates) and asked: (my words are not exact)

"Mr. Speaker! Would it be unparliamentary to call the honorable member a liar and a cheat!"

"Yes, it would!"

"I thought so..." and he sat down.

Brilliant!

A story about John A. MacDonald (another Conservative Prime Minister)

He was our first Prime Minister and a visionary. It was he that launched the construction of the transcontinental railway in the middle 1800's to unite the country. But he had a severe drinking problem.

One day he arrived in Parliament very drunk. To the horror/amusement of those in attendance he vomited on the floor by his seat in the house. Without missing a beat he got up and faced the members of the house saying: (again my words are not exact)

"Excuse me, I was just thinking of Liberal policies." He sat down to riotous laughter.

We have had great Liberal Prime Ministers too...Lester B. Pearson and Pierre Elliot Trudeau come immediately to mind.

Our recent government leaders over the last 20 years are not of their ilk at all sadly...

Sorry for hijacking your thread.

Your poem is quite good, though I do feel you should give some thoughts to my comments to improve its readability.

 

[bianca]

As far as my not knowing who this person was is not really your fault. He may have been an important figure in France but unless you are a psychology student I doubt that many know of him in Canada.

Interesting. I learned of Foucault while a teacher student, upon studying the theory of criticism and literature. He is well-known in Sweden, especially among language teachers.

I understood your poem well, Chomat - and your explanation of the I is really fascinating! It felt like reading a postmodern piece of literature.

 

[CHOMAT]

I guess, Bianca, you 're the kind of reader- painter who 's able to colour words in a post-modernist way. At the outset, my canvas was immaculate...
Thank you
Chomat