my essay(3)

[o_cat]

This is another my essay which is also for a test.
Thanks for Ron to corrected my essays before.
Could you please correct this one again?
Thanks billion!

How I Finance My College Education
There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues of how to finance the college education. Although the economic of our country is on sharply growing, there are, still, many families can not afford their children’s education. If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to find how to get there.
Therefore, it is imperative for them to take some useful measures. And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship. In my opinion, maybe this is the best way to solve the problem.
As for me, besides the scholarship, I’ll do a part time job too. Because a part time job can give me not money but the experience in touch with the society. As the saying goes:” The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself.” I believe I can get through the difficulties with my efforts.

 

[RonBee]

There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues of how to finance the college education.

Try:

• There is a public controversy nowadays over what is the best way to pay for college.

Although the economic of our country is on sharply growing, there are, still, many families can not afford their children’s education.

Try:

• Although the economy of our country is rapidly improving, many families cannot afford to pay for their children's education.

If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to find how to get there.

Perhaps:

• If the children in these families want to go to college, it is up to them to figure out how to pay for it.

What do you think?

 

[o_cat]

Thank you, Ron.
But only that three sentences have errors in them?

 

[RonBee]

Thank you, Ron.
But only that three sentences have errors in them?

No. Also look at:

• And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship.

And:

• As for me, besides the scholarship, I’ll do a part time job too.

And:

• Because a part time job can give me not money but the experience in touch with the society.

(Try having a part-time job)

Say: "I believe I can overcome the difficulties."

When using a quote, be sure it is relevant to the essay.

 

[RonBee]

Therefore, it is imperative for them to take some useful measures. And there are some popular ways now, such as apply for loans, do a part time job, etc. Students who have a wonderful credits also can bid for a scholarship. In my opinion, maybe this is the best way to solve the problem.

Say: applying for loans, working at a part-time job, etc. Rather than
wonderful credits I would say good grades. Maybe students with good grades can try to get scholarships.