My ex man

[Devil's tear]

Think back to when my heart was clean,
when my life was beautiful, when I felt safe
I had everything to live just as other girls.
I had every reason to feel safe
His anonymous soul has called me to be its victim, to be tormented.
He was the innocent man in my eyes and he was the childish dream.
Think how much I cried my eyes out, how much I prayed for him.
I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be. I still don't know how I can live these days.
He really brought me to heel, and he skillfully put me under his thumb
I want to die.

Special thanks for Angelika and RonBee.

 

[Lynxear]

Think back to when my heart was clean,
when my life was beautiful, when I felt safe
I had everything to live just as other girls.
I had every reason to feel safe
His anonymous soul has called me to be its victim, to be tormented.
He was the innocent man in my eyes and he was the childish dream.
Think how much I cried my eyes out, how much I prayed for him.
I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be. I still don't know how I can live these days.
He really brought me to heel, and he skillfully put me under his thumb
I want to die.

Special thanks for Angelika and RonBee.

Nicely done.

I know from your comment on the bottom that you have had help with this piece so I offer these comments cautiously.

I have a question about your use of "the childish" .... this word can mean "silly, immature", actually this is the first thought that comes to mind...is this what you want to say??? I would suggest " my childhood" would be a better choice of words. This word would refer to a dream that you have had since you were a small child.

This may be a typo error but I would make this line

I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be. I still don't know how I can live these days.

Into two lines

I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be.
I still don't know how I can live these days.

If you feel these changes are not required, that is fine.

I enjoyed reading your poem.

 

[Devil's tear]

Nicely done.

I know from your comment on the bottom that you have had help with this piece so I offer these comments cautiously.

I have a question about your use of "the childish" .... this word can mean "silly, immature", actually this is the first thought that comes to mind...is this what you want to say??? I would suggest " my childhood" would be a better choice of words. This word would refer to a dream that you have had since you were a small child.

This may be a typo error but I would make this line

I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be. I still don't know how I can live these days.

Into two lines

I've lost a lot, and I still don't know what my fate will be.
I still don't know how I can live these days.

If you feel these changes are not required, that is fine.

I enjoyed reading your poem.

Hello Lynxear. Do you know that you are special I love your replies so much.
Well I used ''childish'' because I wanted to mean innocent dreams.But it's wrong no problem in fact, it's a new information for me.

Thank you for your interacting.
​

 

[Lynxear]

Hello Lynxear. Do you know that you are special I love your replies so much.
Well I used ''childish'' because I wanted to mean innocent dreams.But it's wrong no problem in fact, it's a new information for me.

Thank you for your interacting.
​

Thank you for the compliment.

If you wish to express innocent dreams from when you were a child then I would use "childhood" rather than "childish". If you google "childhood dreams" you will find it to be a common phrase.

Childhood is normally a noun, not an adjective. However, especially when used with "dreams" it acts as an adjective.

Using childhood then removes the confusion of whether you mean the negative aspects of being childish.

 

[penelope87]

I loved your poem.
Beautiful, strong and true, as your are.
I admire you a lot.

Salam.

 

[Devil's tear]

I loved your poem.
Beautiful, strong and true, as your are.
I admire you a lot.

Salam.

Thank you my friend. I hope to pass it.
salam habibty.​