Need Help : Kindly Correct My Application Letter

[Sangdoo]

Hi Anyone,

I'm just be a member. I'm not very good in English Writing. I think this website is very useful for anyone who wants to improve english language.

Pls. kindly correct my application letter as below.

Thank you very much in advance

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have just seen your advertisement in web site www.jobsdb.com on Feb 27, 2008 requesting applications for Sales Specialist. I believe that this position is ideal for my work experience and I am eager to be on your staff.


Currently, I work as Senior Thailand Sales Executive for XXX, which is manufacturing and exporting CDs & DVDs. Your company is one of my customer. Although, my selling products and services experience are not matched your requirements, I am confident that my knowledge and more than 5 years of experience in sales as well as negotiation skills will benefit your company and its goal.


Enclosed resume, you would find more details of my skills and experience as well as training courses. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you at your convenience to discuss my qualification for a position with you. Please call me at 555555 or via email at XXXXX


I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.

Your sincerely,

 

[Stilo]

Hello Sangdoo

As you have not received a reply, as yet, I will suggest a reply. I have been in HR for a good many years and have been on the receiving end of CV's. The accompanying letter should point out a certain amount of knowledge of the Company, but at this stage I would not include the fact that the Company is a customer of yours. Keep this in reserve for the interview. If there is anything that you are aware of, any unique points about the Company try to include, it will give you “brownie points”

The first thing I would say is do not put any negative sentences in your accompanying letter. "Although, my selling products and services experience are not.......

It was a very good attempt if, as you say you are not so good at written English.

Dear Sir/Madam, (Better if you can obtain a name, dealing with them, you must have contacts!) But remember to change the ending to sincerelyI refer to your advertisement, dated 27 February 2008 on www.jobsdb.com for the position of a Sales Specialist. I believe that this position matches my experience. I have a knowledge of your Company and its goals (Make sure you have read up on the mission statement and aims) and I am eager to be a part of it.I am presently working for xxxx, manufactures and exporters of CD’s and DVD’s as a Senior Thailand Sales Executive. I have over 5 years experience in negotiation and sales which I know will benefit your company. I enclose my CV and would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications in more detail.
I can be contacted on 555555 or via email XXXXXI look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Yours faithfully,

“speaking with you” this cannot be used it you are not addressing a named person. but if you find that name, use “appreciate the opportunity of speaking to you in person, to discuss the position.”

Faithfully is used when you are not addressing someone personally Sincerely is used with Dear Mr…….

Hope that helps, let me know if there is anything else,Good luck, let me know how you get on

 

[NearThere]

Stilo,

What are "brownie points"?

NT

 

[Stilo]

Sorry it is an English expression meaning extra points.

The word Brownie comes from a younger group of what we call Guides or Scouts set up by Baden-Powell. I am not too sure what the equivilent is in America.
Brownies work at gaining points in different ways which enable them to progress to a badge i.e. in cookery/map reading etc.
In the context I used it, if, in a job application, you show you have done "your homework" with regard to the company you are applying to, it may make you stand out against the opposition. Hope this makes sence.

 

[NearThere]

:up::up::up::up::up::up:

Thank you!:-D

In my vague memory, I thought the term "brownie" in American English had something to do with kissing someone's behind (flattering excessively for gain) or sth, I may be wrong. So I thought you suggested "brownie points" to be something one should avoid doing. I was wrong.

 

[Stilo]

I think you maybe thinking of "brown nosing" an expression I would never use, preferring to use "being a creep" or in (someone's name) pocket".


Perhaps I should steer clear of English expressions in future. I used it as I thought this site was to improve English. I was trying to give an insight into English expressions.

Sorry I was wrong.

 

[Sangdoo]

Hello Stilo

Thank you very much for your suggestions :up::up::up:. In order to have "brownie point" I have included the uniqe point as below. Pls. kindly advise.

I am presently working for xxxx, manufactures and exporters of CD’s and DVD’s as a Senior Thailand Sales Executive. I have over 5 years experience in negotiation and sales which I know will benefit your company. The strides your company has taken in the computer technology market, namely the development of technology for use by any organization, make IBM a leader in this business

Appreciate for your advice.
Sangdoo

 

[Stilo]

Hello there, Yes that is just what was needed, you will certainly receive some "brownie points"

It is that little bit extra that could hold you head and shoulders above the rest. Remember the recipient has to read through numerous applications and CV's, for each post that is available. He or she will only have seconds to skim through, therefore your covering letter needs to stand out from the rest. Did you manage to find out a name of a Personnel Manager or HR Manager to address the apllication to?


I was glad to be of help. I would be interested in hearing how you get on.
Regards, Stilo :up::-D

 

[Sangdoo]

Thanks again for your advice. Finally I have got her name. I'm preparing to send all concerned docs. to her. Let's wait and see.

Really appreciate for your kindness.
Sangdoo

 

[malik naseem abbas]

Gentleperson first I want to congratulate you that your application is very much upto the mark. I wish you very best of luck for your future. Secondly I want to appreciate your thoughts about this website because i have recently joined this web and found it extremely helpful for learning english. Your can learn alot from here.
Take care

 

[NearThere]

Stilo: Perhaps I should steer clear of English expressions in future.

I am confident I speak for everyone here who wants to improve their English that youshould definitely not steer clear of English expressions. English expressions prove to be very useful and effective if we learn to use them at the right time in the right place to the right person(s) with the right tone in the....... So please do continue using them, they are benifitial to us. :-D

Stilo: I used it as I thought this site was to improve English.

And you did right and you thought right.:up:

NT

 

[Stilo]

Thanks NT I will do, hope they do not get me into trouble again!

a little correction benifitial - beneficial

Sangdoo

Glad that you have found a person to send the application to, dont forget to add look forward to speaking to you personally about the position and change the salutation to sincerely. You maybe able to reciprocate, as in a few years time we will be moving out to Thailand. What a hard written language to learn, near impossible!!


Malik

It is a great site.

Regards Stilo

 

[NearThere]

Stilo: Thanks NT I will do, hope they do not get me into trouble again!

Not in the least! And just like the others, I laughed hard on this one:

a little correction benifitial - beneficial

a heathy dose of little kick in the you know where.

Correction rules!:up:

 

[Sangdoo]

Hello Stilo,

Absolutely . Would you be coming to Thaialnd :?: It's not easy and hard to learn.:shock: Anything I can be of help, pls. let me know. ;-)

 

[Neillythere]

Thank you, I will be moving to Thailand with my family in approx. 3 years. I may need your help sometime in the future. I am on holiday in the Middle East at the moment
Regards

 

[NearThere]

"NeillyThere",

I believe I heard of this name before. ;-)

NT

 

[Neillythere]

Yes it is my brother. He is hooked and looks at the site after we have gone to bed. Hope you are well.
Stilo

 

[Stilo]

NearThere and Sangdoo
I am sorry I knew I would get confused I have replied to Sangdoo under by brother's login, but it would still be the same as both families are moving to Thailand in approx 3 years time. The Thai language is so hard to learn but, when I return home I will be trying my hardest to understand it. I am on holiday in Qatar at the moment
stilo

 

[Sangdoo]

Hi Stilo,

I'm not sure that is too late to say "Have a good holiday".