need native-speakers' confirmation

[Joe]

Do the following sentences work, especially the parts in bold?

1) He was in a light mood for he had just rested from his hard part-time job.

The writer told me that she used "rest" to indicate that "he had just got off the part-time job and he was relaxed". Do you think that "rest" is correctly used here?

2) It was my painstaking for your good. What a pity that you don't understand it.

3) After speaking what is on her mind, the girl couldn’t face directly the boy.

4) One day dragged by, so did the other day and the third day.

The writer wanted to say "one day passed slowly". Does "dragged by" work?

5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him. Though the girl supposed that it was to be so, it was too much for her to accept it.

I rephrased the blue part as "the girl had known that was what it meant to be", because I believe "it was to be so" is Chinglish. What do you think?

6) Receiving the bad news, she went dull.

7) He tried to fade his ex-girlfriend from his memory.

8 ) You should focus on something really matters.

I think it should be "You should focus on something that really matters". Am I right?

Thank you very much.

 

[Red5]

1) He was in a light mood for he had just rested from his hard part-time job.

I think this is fine.

2) It was my painstaking for your good. What a pity that you don't understand it.

I don't think painstaking is the right word there, but I can't think what it should be instead (sorry).

3) After speaking what is on her mind, the girl couldn’t face directly the boy.

This doesn't work. Keeping the sentence as simmilar as possible, you could say "the girl couldn’t directly face the boy", but I think that it's more common to leave out the word directly - "the girl couldn’t face the boy"

4) One day dragged by, so did the other day and the third day.

The sentence is not perfect, but I think dragged by works there well enough.

5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him. Though the girl supposed that it was to be so, it was too much for her to accept it.

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to suggest here.

6) Receiving the bad news, she went dull.

If I understand what you're trying to say here, I think "numb" would be a better choice instead of "dull".

7) He tried to fade his ex-girlfriend from his memory.

Try "eradicate" instead of "fade".

8 ) You should focus on something really matters.

Try: You should focus on something [that] really matters.


I hope that helps, even if it's incomplete. ;-)

 

[Joe]

5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him. Though the girl supposed that it was to be so, it was too much for her to accept it.

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to suggest here.

What did you mean, Red5? Does the original work? How about "the girl had known that was what it meant to be"?

 

[Joe]

8 ) You should focus on something really matters.

Try: You should focus on something [that] really matters.

Red5, you meant "that" is optional there, didn't you?

 

[Red5]

8 ) You should focus on something really matters.

Try: You should focus on something [that] really matters.

Red5, you meant "that" is optional there, didn't you?

Nope - I was inserting it into your sentence. ;-)

 

[Red5]

5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him. Though the girl supposed that it was to be so, it was too much for her to accept it.

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to suggest here.

What did you mean, Red5? Does the original work? How about "the girl had known that was what it meant to be"?

It is overly complicated, and not natural, but I can't think of a replacement or suggestion.

PS - I've just asked Cas to come and take a look at this for you. As you know, she will certainly have the right words for you. :-D

 

[Casiopea]

There's not much I would add to what Red 5 has already suggested. :up: I can try rephrasing the sentences, if that's OK?

1) He was in a good mood because he took time to relax after work.
2) I went to great lengths for you, so it's a pity you don't understand.
3) After speaking her mind, the girl couldn’t face the boy.
4) The first day dragged on, as did the second and the third.
5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him, and even though she knew it wasn't meant to be, it was too much for her to accept.
6) On receiving the bad news, all emotion left her face.
7) He tried to erase his ex-girlfriend's memory from his thoughts.
8 ) You should focus on something that really matters.

All the best,

 

[Joe]

5) To her great disappointment, she received nothing from him, and even though she knew it wasn't meant to be, it was too much for her to accept.

All the best,

Thanks for your superb rewording, Cas. I want to say that, "she knew the boy would not call her". So I think it should be "she knew it was meant to be". What do you think?

 

[Casiopea]

Thanks for your superb rewording, Cas. I want to say that, "she knew the boy would not call her". So I think it should be "she knew it was meant to be". What do you think?

You're welcome.

What about?

5) To her great disappointment, he didn't call, and even though she had suspected he wouldn't, it was still very hard for her to accept.

All the best,