[Grammar] Originally reading

kadioguy

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In the AHD5, it says:

Hollywood sign, Los Angeles, California

Originally reading "Hollywoodland," the Hollywood sign was erected in 1923 at the cost of $21,000 as an advertisement for a real estate development.

https://www.ahdictionary.com/word/search.html?q=w&submit.x=30&submit.y=16
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Can I rewrite it into the following sentence?

As it originally read "Hollywoodland," the Hollywood sign was erected in 1923 at the cost of $21,000 as an advertisement for a real estate development.
 

Rover_KE

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No — it's perfect as is.
 

ambitious-girl

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No — it's perfect as is.
Thanks Rover_KE.
Can we say?
It's perfect as it is.
 

kadioguy

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No — it's perfect as is.

Maybe it's perfect as is, but I mean whether this the sentence is grammatically correct. :)
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As it originally read "Hollywoodland," the Hollywood sign was erected in 1923 at the cost of $21,000 as an advertisement for a real estate development.
 

Rover_KE

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Maybe it's perfect as is, but I mean whether this the sentence is grammatically correct?

No. There's no reason to begin with 'As'.
 
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kadioguy

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No. There's no reason to begin with 'As'.

In my opinion, 'As' means 'Because' here. Because it originally read 'Hollywoodland', it is a sign relating to 'real estate' .

Or would you please tell me what kind of conjunction you will use? :)
 

Rover_KE

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I wouldn't use any conjunction. I'd have to rephrase the sentence.

'The Hollywood sign, which originally read "Hollywoodland", was erected in 1923 ...'
 
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