[Application] Personal Statement for MSc Data Science (scholarship)

kennai

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Hi everyone, I have written a Personal Statement to apply for the MSc Data Science scholarship. I would like to get some feedback.

These are the guidelines provided as below:

This statement must be no longer than 500 words. You must use it to explain why you want to study at this University and how your chosen course is intended to help you to achieve your career or life goals.

Nowadays, data is a powerful tool for business development, anticipating future environmental problems, and helping with the handling of disasters. The (University A) offers a course that links Machine Learning, Business, and Big Data. As I wish to research into climate change, I plan to pursue all 3 domains of study. This cross-disciplinary learning at (University A) seems an ideal route for me to achieve this.

(University A)’s postgraduate program would allow me to work with instructors, such as Prof. (Professor name) and Dr. (Professor name), who are involved in climate research and machine learning, respectively. With them, I can advance the work I have already completed related to how climate change affected the businesses. Over the years, storms have struck (Country name), affecting more than 20,000 households and businesses. If we can use the data to predict these events, the loss may be decreased. I have a feeling of empathy and want to save people from these disasters.

At the (University B), I worked with an advisor on the climate change and impact of the Fukushima nuclear power plant explosion in 2011. I have studied how the post-explosion climate affects economies and people, data which we imported into Python, to display significant activity in the Fukushima regions affected by climate change. We then created models, through which we predicted people's behavior, Logistic Regression, to display people’s feeling and the place that they want to live after an incident affected by a climate change. Seeing our presentation of information was incredibly motivating for me as I know I have finally helped people who suffered from this disaster. I want to repeat this experience. Successfully analyzing this study and learning to code pushes me to pursue more analysis opportunities.

In terms of data driving business performance, I think big data and business knowledge play a vital role in driving organizations. After I reviewed the (University A) curriculum, I understand that it is not only data which is taught, but also how it is used to improve effectiveness and abilities across different industry sectors. This is of great interest to me. I think this course should provide me with an insight into how Big Data is used to analyze the path of storms, earthquakes, and do visualization of the coverage area that analyst impacts and plans for various organizations. In terms of data predicting disasters and helping people recognize risks that could affect businesses. I think there are many areas of the economy that could be affected by climate change and thus benefit from prediction of change through data. For instance, as the sea levels rise, beach areas shrink, there are changes in altitude of ground available for crops, and the tourism sector is affected – all of these have a potentially detrimental effect on business income.

I hope you will consider me as a suitable candidate for a scholarship as it will assist me with my professional career that will prepare me to become a data scientist with the knowledge of business and machine learning at the same time.
 

teechar

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... and how your chosen course is intended to help you to achieve your career or life goals.
You have not addressed that part. Can you adjust your letter to do so?
Also, what's the submission deadline?
 

kennai

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Thai
Home Country
Thailand
Current Location
Thailand
The submission deadline is end of May.

I think I addressed career and life goal on the line "I hope you will consider me as a suitable candidate for a scholarship as it will assist me with my professional career that will prepare me to become a data scientist with the knowledge of business and machine learning at the same time." or should I add more?

Thank you
 
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teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
You should definitely add more.
They want you to outline:
1- What your career/personal goals are.
2- How that particular course can help you achieve those goals.
You should write a paragraph about that.
 
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