[Grammar] Peter had been one of the most active members of NIP who ...

[Flogger]

Hello.

I've written something in English but I'm not sure if the sequence of tenses are correct. would you please tell me if my sentence is grammatical?

Peter had been one of the most active members of NIP who gradually took important seats in the institute and played a vital role in absorbing youths, especially millennials into the institute.

Thank you in advance.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Peter had been one of the most active members of NIP, and over time he took important seats in the institute and played a vital role in absorbing youths, especially millennials, into the institute.

 

[Rover_KE]

What's NIP?