Peter saw Maria coming

[Bassim]

I am wondering if my sentence is grammatically correct.

Peter saw Maria coming to their first date wearing short hair and a dark pin-striped suit, and that made him uncomfortable. She reminded him of his boss, and he felt as he were in his workplace instead on a date.

 

[teechar]

On their first date, Peter saw Maria [STRIKE]coming to their first date[/STRIKE] wearing short hair and a dark pin-striped suit, and that made him uncomfortable. She reminded him of his boss, and he felt as if he [STRIKE]were in his workplace[/STRIKE] was at work instead of (out) on a date.

Try to put the important things at (or near) the beginning of the sentence.

 

[Bassim]

teechar,

I wanted to start my sentence with "on their first date," but GoesStation used to say to me to try to rephrase my sentences using less commas, and therefore I probably subconsciously wrote the beginning as I did.

 

[teechar]

I've added another correction: "... he felt as if he ..."

 

[emsr2d2]

It's not wrong but I find "wearing short hair" very odd. I'd use something like "with her hair cut short", or "with a short haircut/hairstyle", followed by "and wearing a dark, pin-striped suit".