Please check the grammar

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Mister Nutty

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Joined
Jan 19, 2008
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Native Language
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Home Country
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Current Location
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Hi again,

Will someone please take a look at the following letter for any grammar mistakes?

Thank you

(My address)
Apartment Number
Area Name
City Name
Date
(Recipient's address)
The principal
University Name
Area Name
City Name

Dear Sir,

This is to state that I have completed my intermediation in pre-engineering, and now I want to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your highly estimable university. Literally, since I was in elementary school I have been interested in telecommunication, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to become a telecommunication engineer. It has always been my and mother’s wish that I study at your university, but financially I am not strong enough to afford such a massive amount of fees.

Thereby, I request you to assist me by giving me a concession of 50% at least.

Meanwhile, thank you and I assure you of my sincere and continuing efforts.

Great regards,

My Signature
My name
 
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Mister Nutty

Member
Joined
Jan 19, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
Pakistan
at least look at the main body for grammar mistakes, please!
 

Horsa

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Member Type
English Teacher
Dear Sir


I am writing to inform you that I have now completed my intermediation in pre-engineering, and now wish to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your university.

Since I was in elementary school I have been interested in telecommunications, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to becoming a telecommunication engineer.

It has always been my and mother’s wish that I study at your university, but unfortunately I am not in a sufficiently strong financial position to afford the fees without assistance. Therefore, I would like to inquire into the possibility of obtaining an assisted place. I would be most grateful if you could inform me of any such opportunities.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Yours sincerely
 

Mister Nutty

Member
Joined
Jan 19, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
Pakistan
Thank you very much indeed, Horsa. I'm very thankful to you.

What about this also?

Dear Sir,

Having completed my H.S.C. in pre-engineering, I would now like to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your esteemed university. From the time I was in elementary school, I have been interested in telecommunications, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to becoming an engineer in telecommunications.

It has also long been my dream to study at your university, but financially I am only in a position to cover, at most, about half of the costs. Therefore, I would like to request financial assistance.

Thank you very much for your time and assistance.

Faithfully,
 
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