Please check the grammar

[Mister Nutty]

Hi again,

Will someone please take a look at the following letter for any grammar mistakes?

Thank you

(My address)
Apartment Number
Area Name
City Name
Date​

(Recipient's address)
The principal
University Name
Area Name
City Name

Dear Sir,

This is to state that I have completed my intermediation in pre-engineering, and now I want to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your highly estimable university. Literally, since I was in elementary school I have been interested in telecommunication, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to become a telecommunication engineer. It has always been my and mother’s wish that I study at your university, but financially I am not strong enough to afford such a massive amount of fees.​

Thereby, I request you to assist me by giving me a concession of 50% at least.​

Meanwhile, thank you and I assure you of my sincere and continuing efforts.​

Great regards,

My Signature
My name

 

[Mister Nutty]

Please have a look at the letter for mistakes!

 

[Mister Nutty]

Anyone there?

 

[Mister Nutty]

at least look at the main body for grammar mistakes, please!

 

[Horsa]

Dear Sir

I am writing to inform you that I have now completed my intermediation in pre-engineering, and now wish to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your university.

Since I was in elementary school I have been interested in telecommunications, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to becoming a telecommunication engineer.

It has always been my and mother’s wish that I study at your university, but unfortunately I am not in a sufficiently strong financial position to afford the fees without assistance. Therefore, I would like to inquire into the possibility of obtaining an assisted place. I would be most grateful if you could inform me of any such opportunities.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.​

Yours sincerely

 

[Mister Nutty]

Thank you very much indeed, Horsa. I'm very thankful to you.

What about this also?

Dear Sir,

Having completed my H.S.C. in pre-engineering, I would now like to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your esteemed university. From the time I was in elementary school, I have been interested in telecommunications, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to becoming an engineer in telecommunications.

It has also long been my dream to study at your university, but financially I am only in a position to cover, at most, about half of the costs. Therefore, I would like to request financial assistance.

Thank you very much for your time and assistance.

Faithfully,