Please, CORRECT my ESSAY

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Park Jeong-eun

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Feb 12, 2008
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[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]H i~ I'm one of them who try to learn English in the ESL context.[/font][/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]Today, I wrote an essay as the anwer for the topic below.[/font][/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]But, actually I am a Korean so I doubt what I wrote.[/font][/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]If you correct my essay, I'll really appreciate your help![/font][/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]Thank you for your attention.[/font][/font]


[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]TOPIC >>[/font][/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]Companies are practicing many ways to increase employee satisfaction. For instance, they offer several benefits, like bonuses, free international training programs, housing loans, health insurances and auto loans. In your opinion, which of the benefits mentioned above will give employees the utmost satisfaction? Explain your opinion and support it with examples. [/font][/font]


[FONT='&#48148] MY ANSWER >>[/font]
[FONT='&#48148][FONT='&#48148]I think free international training programs can give employees the utmost satisfaction. Of course, this is not a cash or the thing we can see or touch directly. But it can give us the very potential benefits. Others such as bonuses, housing loans, or auto loans are tangible. So although at fist we can think they are very helpful, it is possible that all these things can be run out of with no left. For example, suppose that the company gives employees auto loans as a benefit. If they don't need the car or they don't use it anymore or they don't like any conditions about it, how do they deal with this problem? In this situation, for the employee, the car is not a benefit but a troublesome. Anybody never wants these happenings. In contrast, free international training programs can give us a good chance for developing ourselves' ability and furthermore for the company's side they can take advantage of it, too. That is, both can make use of it. This can make very potential strength. Through this program, not only the individual but also the company can get the utmost satisfaction. After training, if trainees take an action using what they learned, the company can pool this resource and make benefits more and more. Therefore, other than concrete benefits, free international training program can make the best satisfaction.[/font] [/font]
 
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Niigatablue

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Feb 21, 2008
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Student or Learner
I think free international training programs can give employees the utmost satisfaction. Of course, it's not the same as cash or something we can see or directly touch, but it can give us potential benefits. Other benefits such as bonuses, housing loans, or auto loans are tangible. So although at fist we think they are very helpful, it is possible that all these things can be run out of. For example, suppose that the company gives employees auto loans as a benefit. If they don't need the car,they don't use it,or they don't like the condition of it, how do they deal with this problem? In this situation, for the employee, the car is not a benefit but troublesome. Nobody wants this to happen. In contrast, free international training programs can give us a good chance to develop our abilities. Furthermore, on the company's side they can take advantage of it, too. That is, both can make use of it. This can make a potential strength. Through this program, not only the individual but also the company can get the utmost satisfaction. After training, if trainees take action using what they learned, the company can pool these resources and make more and more benefits. Therefore, other than concrete benefits, free international training program can make the best satisfaction.

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susiedqq

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Jan 14, 2008
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Current Location
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I think free international training programs given by companies to employees can result in the utmost satisfaction. Of course, it's not the same as cash or something we can see or directly touch, but it can give us potential benefits. Other benefits such as bonuses, housing loans, or auto loans are tangible. So although at first we think they are very helpful, they don't last. For example, suppose that the company gives employees auto loans as a benefit. If they don't need the car,they don't use it,or they don't like the condition of it, how do they deal with this problem? In this situation, for the employee, the car is not a benefit, but rather a troublesome worry. Nobody wants this to happen. In contrast, free international training programs can give employees a good chance to develop abilities. Furthermore, on the company's side they can take advantage of it, too. That is, both can make use of it. This training program can become a strong potential for future company strength. Through this program, not only the individual but also the company can get the utmost satisfaction. After training, if trainees take action using what they learned, the company can pool these resources and make more and more benefits. Therefore, other than concrete benefits, a free international training program can make the most sense in offering satisfaction to the employee.

 
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