please correct my two sentences

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Zoe2008

Key Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Korean
Home Country
South Korea
Current Location
China
1. To support re-inspection on 13 March. Please note the attached photo for the corrected instruction sheet to confirm proceed rework immediately. The original will be sent on this afternoon for your sign back.
2. Please take a photo to shown us the corrected instruction sheet for our customer approve.
 

Neillythere

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2008
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
British English
Home Country
England
Current Location
Thailand
I'm not a teacher, but offer the following, from a Business point of view:

We attach a marked-up copy of the corrected Instruction Sheet.
The original will follow, this afternoon, for your signature and return.

Please proceed immediately with the associated rework to support re-inspection on 13 March.

Meanwhile, please incorporate the mark-ups in your original of the Instruction Sheet and send us a copy, to enable us to obtain customer approval.

I hope that I have correctly interpreted your needs
 
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