Please correct this

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HARDWORK

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Please correct this or can it be better in advance language and short

When i was in school i always used to carry tiffin at school.Once i dint get time to eat my tiffin in the break so i was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when i asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and i had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how i am she scolded me as to so why i dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently i saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my mind
 
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emsr2d2

emsr2d2

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HARDWORK said:
Please correct this or can it be better in advance language and short

When i was in school i always used to carry tiffin at school.Once i dint get time to eat my tiffin in the break so i was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when i asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and i had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how i am she scolded me as to so why i dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently i saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my mind
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Before I start on another of your pieces, I would be very grateful if you would take note of my comments on your previous post.

You need to capitalise the word "I" at all times, and need to really look at your punctuation. Can I suggest that you go through this piece yourself once more and make at least those corrections, then repost it for our comments?
 
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H

HARDWORK

Banned
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
emsr2d2 said:
Before I start on another of your pieces, I would be very grateful if you would take note of my comments on your previous post.

You need to capitalise the word "I" at all times, and need to really look at your punctuation. Can I suggest that you go through this piece yourself once more and make at least those corrections, then repost it for our comments?
Click to expand...
Sorry, I have made a note of it and corrected the same,thanks.

When I was in school I always used to carry tiffin at school.Once I didn't get time to eat my tiffin in the break so I was eating my tiffin in the bus while going home.There was this girl who was younger to me by 2 years she was staring at my tiffin and snatched it from me and started eating it when I asked for my tiffin she scratched my face and my face was bleeding and I had all marks on my face,so all my friends dropped me homw and my mother instead of asking me how I am she scolded me as to so why I dint hit that girl back.Next my dad went to school and complained to the principal and the girl was suspended.There were other two guys who had encouraged her they were also suspended .My school mentioned the incident on notice board.And apparently I saw that girl on the platform after a long time.and all the memories came back to my
 
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