please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million.

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eric2004

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Reading in fron of computer is tired and harmful at present. Yet as technology develops, computers will certainly become more conveninent and friendly to be operated. That will give rise to a revolution of information communication. Therefore, the communicationg methods of Internet will finally replace the traditional print media.



Sir, I know what you mean now. Is this ok ?
 

RonBee

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Achieving fluency may be difficult, but it is a worthy goal.

I think I understand you quite well most of the time. For example, I understand that you are complaining that I don't understand you. ;-)

When you are not trying to write a composition but are just stating your opinion about something you do a pretty good job of expressing yourself.

Perhaps it will make you feel better to realize that some of the problems you have with writing compositions are some of the same problems native speakers have.

:D
 
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eric2004

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55. You're so cute, Sir. It's pity I'm not a girl. xixi.
Yep, I feel frustrated because you can't understand me. That means I must make the wrong expression. But I don't know how to express me well, so I become very nervous and not dare to imagine what will happen in exam.
Btw, do you mean I should reduce my sentence and use simple sentence for avoiding making mistakes?
 

Tdol

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Generally, simple sentences are clearer and clarity is a driving force of good English. ;-)
 

RonBee

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eric2004 said:
55. You're so cute, Sir. It's pity I'm not a girl. xixi.
Yep, I feel frustrated because you can't understand me. That means I must make the wrong expression. But I don't know how to express me well, so I become very nervous and not dare to imagine what will happen in exam.
Btw, do you mean I should reduce my sentence and use simple sentence for avoiding making mistakes?

You do have a problem sometimes with word selection, which is something for you to work on.

Clarity of expression is the most important thing.

I would stick with simple sentences for your first drafts. Later, you can always fuse some of them together into more complex sentences to the extent that it suits your purposes.

(Say: I don't know how to express myself well.)

:)
 
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eric2004

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tdol said:
Generally, simple sentences are clearer and clarity is a driving force of good English. ;-)

Thank you, Sir. You're nice too.
Ok, I will resist the temptation to "create" complicated sentences too much.

Btw, Sir, the essay you recommended seems too difficult for me at present. I have totally no ideas about what he said.
555. :oops: Pls forgive me. I think it's too professional and there is an understanding gap bewteen him and me.
 

Tdol

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His basic rules are:
Don't use big words where small ones will do.
If you can remove a word, do be cause it's unnecessary.
Don't try to be clever by being complicated.
;-)
 

RonBee

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eric2004 said:
Reading in fron of computer is tired and harmful at present. Yet as technology develops, computers will certainly become more conveninent and friendly to be operated. That will give rise to a revolution of information communication. Therefore, the communicationg methods of Internet will finally replace the traditional print media.

  • Reading off a computer screen (monitor) is tiring and harmful at present. Yet as technology develops, computers will certainly become more convenient and more user-friendly. That will give rise to a revolution in information communication. The Internet will finally replace the traditional print media.

That could still use a little tweaking, but I think that is basically it. What do you think?

(That got past me earlier.)

:)
 
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eric2004

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Thank you, Sir.

You mean you used to surf on the net too long before? Xixi, me too. I think if I leave the net some days, I will certainly fall down. I've been addicted with the Internet as well as computer yet.

Sir, you're too nice. But I think you would be very tired if you correct my essay as a whole. So I will paste some main sentences here to consult your suggestions. Or some words like entertainment.

And I think all you said will be fine to me. Sigh, sometimes Chinese students only can accept teacher's ideas respectfully. xixi.

And, Sir tdol, now I know what you and he said. Thanks, but could you take some examples for me to reduce my words? I've been running into troubles about how to eliminate words. And sometimes I have a confusing feeling towards sentences: the more complicated the sentence is, the longer the word is, then the better the essay is.
Pls correct my idea. Thanks
 

RonBee

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I meant that posting had somehow escaped my notice previously.

I do think you are catching on. One day you will look back and be amazed at how much you have learned.

:D
 
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eric2004

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Sir, this post is too long now.
I'm gonna open a new one.
Thanks all your help here.
if there were not for your help, i would go nowhere.
 

Tdol

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I'd say:
If it were not for your help, I would go nowhere. ;-)
or maybe I would be going nowhere. ;-)
 
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eric2004

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tdol said:
I'd say:
If it were not for your help, I would go nowhere. ;-)
or maybe I would be going nowhere. ;-)


Sir, you produce a new question.

Why sometimes english guys would like to use "I would be going nowhere"
rather than " I would go nowhere.?

What the difference bewteen " It becomes good ! " or " It's becoming good."

Just tense change? Or is there some kind of emotion intensively?

:oops:
 
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