please help me to correct this cet6 composition.thank you.

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:oops: :oops: How I finance my college education
With the rapid development of Chinese college education. There are a larger number of students entering the Irving tower than before. However, when we access to the gates of universities, we must face to a situation is the financial burden for family budget.
There are many ways to gain tuition and fees for college. First, we can take part-time jobs on campus or in society. Second , we can apply loan of education from bank or lend fees from our parents or other relationships. Third, we also can study very hard for winning scholar-ship. But this method is only fit for the students who are very excellent.
I was born in a family with only one child. My parents all work in the commercial and industrial bank of china with a decent pay. The tuition and fees of my college education is not a very serious problem for our family. But I desert independent on my parents and accumulate a lot of practice experience. So I choose take part-time jobs to earn money.
I believe, in this way ,I am not only obtain money but also practice myself. After several years, I will become a excellent and useful people to the society .
 

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Re: please help me to correct this cet6 composition.thank yo

:oops: :oops: How I finance my college education
With the rapid development of the Chinese college education, there are a larger number of students entering the Irving tower than before. However, when we cross the gates of universities, we must face a situation which is the financial burden on the family budget.
There are many ways to pay for tuition and fees for college. First, we can take part-time jobs on campus or in society. Second , we can apply for a loan from the bank or borrow the fees from our parents or other relations. Third, we also can study very hard to win a scholarship. But this method is only fit for the students who are excellent.
I was born in a family with only one child. My parents both work in the commercial and industrial bank of china on a decent salary. The tuition and fees of my college education is not a very serious problem for our family. But I chose to be independent of my parents and accumulate a lot of practice experience. So I chose to take part-time jobs to earn money.
I believe, in this way ,I am not only able to obtain money but also to practice myself. After several years, I will become an excellent and useful memeber of society .
;-)
 

RonBee

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Re: please help me to correct this cet6 composition.thank yo

With the rapid development of Chinese college education. There are a larger number of students entering the Irving tower than before. However, when we access to the gates of universities, we must face to a situation is the financial burden for family budget.

  • With the rapid development of the Chinese university system there are more Chinese students entering university than ever before. However, many families have a difficult time paying college expenses
 

RonBee

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Re: please help me to correct this cet6 composition.thank yo

There are many ways to gain tuition and fees for college. First, we can take part-time jobs on campus or in society. Second , we can apply loan of education from bank or lend fees from our parents or other relationships. Third, we also can study very hard for winning scholar-ship. But this method is only fit for the students who are very excellent.

  • There are many ways to get the money to pay for tuition and other fees. First, we can get part-time jobs. Second, we can get loans from banks or from our parents or other relatives. Third, we can study hard, get good marks, and win scholarships.

I wouldn't put the sentence about scholarships not being available to everybody in that paragraph. Instead, I would discuss that in a separate paragraph, thus:
  • Scholarships are not available to everybody but go only to those who get the best marks.
 
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