please help me to correct this cet6 composition

[Anonymous]

Student use of computers
It is obvious in the graphic that the average number of hours a student spends on the computer per week increasing steady from 1990 to 1995 .but at the point of the 2000 year, there is a dramatic rise. The average number of hours reaches about 20.
What is the reason for this change? Mainly there are third reasons behind the situation reflected in the table. First, with the rapid development of the computer industry, computers are become increasing useful in wide areas. Second, with the rapid development of technology, the price is beneficial a lot for our college students. Third, with the development of the society. There is a demand for job-hunters who have ability of using computer skillfully.
However, I find there are several negative aspects of using computer for our students. For instance, many students like play online games and chats. These games and chats have nothing to do but relax occasionally. They spend a lot of time on them, consequently, they do not have enough time and energy to do their homeworks, and some students even sit in front of the screen all day instead of going to class. So I believe, colleges and parents must take some necessary measures to regulate the time which students spend on the computer.

 

[Tdol]

Student use of computers
It is obvious from the graph that the average number of hours a student spends on the computer per week was increasing steadily from 1990 to 1995 .but from 2000, there is a dramatic rise. The average number of hours reaches about 20.
What is the reason for this change? There are three main reasons behind the situation reflected in the table. First, with the rapid development of the computer industry, computers are become increasingly useful in many areas. Second, with the rapid development of technology, the price is beneficial (accesible?) to a lot for our college students. Third, with the development of the society, there is a demand for job-seekers who have IT skills. However, I find there are several negative aspects of using computer for our students. For instance, many students like playing online games and chatting. These games and chat rooms offer nothing but relaxation???. They spend a lot of time on them and, consequently, they do not have enough time and energy to do their homework, and some students even sit in front of the screen all day instead of going to class. So I believe, colleges and parents must take some necessary measures to regulate the time which students spend on the computer.

Any use? ;-)

 

[RonBee]

You have some problems with tenses. Also, "Student Use of Computers" is a decent title, but I wouldn't use the red-faced smileys.
:wink:

It is obvious in the graphic that the average number of hours a student spends on the computer per week increasing steady from 1990 to 1995 .but at the point of the 2000 year, there is a dramatic rise. The average number of hours reaches about 20.

I agree with Tdol that graphic should probably be graph. Thus, that would be:

• It is obvious in the graphic that the average number of hours a student spends on the computer per week increased steadily from 1990 to 1995, but in the year 2000 there was a dramatic rise, with the average number of computer use by students reaching about 20 hours a week.

What is the reason for this change? Mainly there are third reasons behind the situation reflected in the table. First, with the rapid development of the computer industry, computers are become increasing useful in wide areas. Second, with the rapid development of technology, the price is beneficial a lot for our college students. Third, with the development of the society. There is a demand for job-hunters who have ability of using computer skillfully.

• What is the reason for the change? Mainly, there are three reasons for the change. First, with the rapid development of the computer industry, computers became more and more useful in more and more ways. Second, with the rapid development of computer technology, computers have become affordable for many college students. Third, more and more employers are looking for people who are skillful at using computers.

However, I find there are several negative aspects of using computer for our students. For instance, many students like play online games and chats. These games and chats have nothing to do but relax occasionally. They spend a lot of time on them, consequently, they do not have enough time and energy to do their homeworks, and some students even sit in front of the screen all day instead of going to class. So I believe, colleges and parents must take some necessary measures to regulate the time which students spend on the computer.

• However, I find that there are several negative aspects to student use of computers. For instance, many students like to play online games and converse online in chatrooms. They spend a lot of time on the games and chats, and and they consequently do not have enough time or energy to do their homework. Some students even sit in front of the screen all day instead of going to class. I believe that colleges and parents should take some measures to regulate the time which students spend on the computer.

So, playing computer games all day is a bad thing? :wink:

Note that homework is generally not pluralized.

Any questions?

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