Please help to proofread my letter

[xanana]

Hi,

I am writing a complaint to a newspaper and would like the general community to help fix my English mistakes. Here is my letter in its entirety. Any comments and corrections welcomed. Thank you in advance.

Gavin

P/S contents of letter follows:-

---start--

I write to complain about an appalling policy @ MPH bookstores with regards to the use of Gift Vouchers. Last week, I went to an MPH bookstore in Kuala Lumpur and purchased a book for about $50 by "cash". While the cashier was ringing up the transaction; I realized that I have (?) a $20 MPH gift voucher with me. I alerted the cashier immediately but he said that he could do nothing once a transaction has gone through. Since this was an atypical request, I did not protest.

Instead I raised the issue with MPH's customer service desk a few minutes later. My request was simple: I wish to use a gift voucher on a committed transaction. Basically I just want to be refunded $20 in cash. A coterie of MPH's customer service minions debated on my case and finally a call to management confirmed that they could redo the transaction. A staff then led me to the actual counter where I made the payment.

On the way, he finally said that since I've paid; I will have to buy something else to cover the voucher value of $20. The reason he gave was that it's their company policy that vouchers cannot be exchanged for cash. And so I left MPH with the $20 voucher in my pocket and with bitter disposition. That evening, I contacted Kinokuniya (KLCC) and Borders books (USA) and posed them this same case study and asked for their response. I felt somewhat vindicated when both of them replied that they can "redo" the transaction and will refund the $20. Based on this finding; it is clear that their policy is just not up to par with the policies of other international bookstores, which places customer satisfaction above
everything else. As paying customers, I don't believe we should be subjected to such unfriendly policies. MPH can brag that their midvalley store is the "largest bookstore" in the country, however, this policy demonstrates that they rank very low in the "customer satisfaction" department. In the future, I plan to utilize Kinokuniya's gift cards over MPH's.

---end--

 

[RonBee]

Comments.

I write to complain about an appalling policy @ MPH bookstores with regards to the use of Gift Vouchers.

I am writing to complain about MPH bookstores and their policy regarding the use of Gift Vouchers.

Last week, I went to an MPH bookstore in Kuala Lumpur and purchased a book for about $50 by "cash".

Last week, I went to an MPH bookstore in Kuala Lumpur and purchased a book that cost about $50. I paid in cash.

While the cashier was ringing up the transaction; I realized that I have (?) a $20 MPH gift voucher with me. I alerted the cashier immediately but he said that he could do nothing once a transaction has gone through. Since this was an atypical request, I did not protest.

While the cashier was ringing up the transaction, I realized that I had a $20 MPH gift voucher with me. I alerted the cashier immediately, but he said that he can do nothing once a transaction has gone through. Since it was an atypical request, I did not protest.

Instead I raised the issue with MPH's customer service desk a few minutes later. My request was simple: I wish to use a gift voucher on a committed transaction. Basically I just want to be refunded $20 in cash. A coterie of MPH's customer service minions debated on my case and finally a call to management confirmed that they could redo the transaction. A staff then led me to the actual counter where I made the payment.

Instead, I raised the issue at MPH's customer service desk a few minutes later. My request was simple: I wanted to use a gift voucher even though I had already bought the item. A coterie of MPH's customer service minions debated my case and finally a call to management confirmed that they could redo the transaction. A customer service employee then led me to the counter where I had made the payment.

On the way, he finally said that since I've paid; I will have to buy something else to cover the voucher value of $20. The reason he gave was that it's their company policy that vouchers cannot be exchanged for cash.

On the way over to the checkout counter, he said that since I had already paid for my purchase I would have to buy something else to cover the voucher value of $20. The reason he gave was that it's their company policy that vouchers cannot be exchanged for cash.

And so I left MPH with the $20 voucher in my pocket and with bitter disposition. That evening, I contacted Kinokuniya (KLCC) and Borders books (USA) and posed them this same case study and asked for their response. I felt somewhat vindicated when both of them replied that they can "redo" the transaction and will refund the $20.

And so I left MPH with the $20 voucher in my pocket and with a bitter disposition. That evening, I contacted Kinokuniya (KLCC) and Borders books (USA) and asked them what they would do in a similar situation. I felt somewhat vindicated when both of them replied that they can "redo" the transaction and would refund the $20.

Based on this finding; it is clear that their policy is just not up to par with the policies of other international bookstores, which places customer satisfaction above everything else. As paying customers, I don't believe we should be subjected to such unfriendly policies. MPH can brag that their midvalley store is the "largest bookstore" in the country, however, this policy demonstrates that they rank very low in the "customer satisfaction" department. In the future, I plan to utilize Kinokuniya's gift cards over MPH's.

Based on this finding, it is clear that MPH's policy is just not up to par with the policies of other international bookstores, which place customer satisfaction above everything else. As a paying customer, I don't believe I should be subjected to poor treatment. MPH can brag that their midvalley store is the "largest bookstore" in the country, however, this policy demonstrates that they rank very low in the "customer satisfaction" department. In the future, I plan to utilize Kinokuniya's gift cards in preference to MPH's.

That should do it. You might get better results tho if you complain directly to the company.

Regards,
Ronbee
8)

 

[xanana]

Thanks RonBee

RonBee, you're indeed a lifesaver. Thanks for correcting my letter.

Actually I don't really care about $20 voucher anymore. I just want to warn potential customers of MPH of such policy. I'll be submitting the complaint to several newspapers tomorrow.

:wink:

Cheerio.

 

[RonBee]

Re: Thanks RonBee

RonBee, you're indeed a lifesaver. Thanks for correcting my letter.

Actually I don't really care about $20 voucher anymore. I just want to warn potential customers of MPH of such policy. I'll be submitting the complaint to several newspapers tomorrow.

:wink:

Cheerio.

You're welcome. BTW, if you haven't sent the letter yet, in the phrase "A coterie of MPH's customer service minions" I would change "minions" to "employees".

Regards,
RonBee
8)