Please Someone Give A Look To My Conclusion Please ! Por Favor!

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yrmacita

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I need to submit this conclusion take a look please and tell me if it is grammatically correct. Thank you!
The Returning Problem and the Enforced Decision

It is highly probable that Peruvian families will continue their lives and projects in the Japanese society context; which is fundamental because family support system and unity can be maintained. In the decision-making process about returning to Peru, various conditional factors were identified as: homeland socio-economic improvements, better job opportunities, reunification with family members, although two are the most significant: the economic (earnings target) and the emotional (children’s desires on place of residence). Subsequently, these two conditional factors would be driven parents toward the enforced-decision. Because of the nature of the enforced-decision, their decision is expected to depend not only on the comparison of life standards between the home and the host country, but also would be strong affected by the strength of family relationships.
However, a further question remains, why and when does the decision-making process turn into a enforced- decision to stay in Japan?, When the time for decision- making comes, parents will evaluate the situation of their children. They will find that younger members are not able to adjust to a different environment for various reasons; such as some of the Peruvian children arrived in Japan at a very young stage of their lives, and the most time of their life they have stayed in and grown up surrounded by the Japanese context. Others were born in Japan thus the only environment they have seen is the Japanese. Most of the children have a very low skill of Spanish language, or if they are able to speak, they are not prepared to write or read in Spanish. Besides, most Peruvian children attend Japanese school. Then, they carry out every day activities in a context where the images and traditions that they embrace daily are mostly Japanese. The language in which many demonstrate more proficiency is Japanese, and in fact, it has been adopted as their first language. In the best of cases children are bilingual. However, in most cases they speak easily Japanese and only understand Spanish daily conversation, typical phrases, and the linguistics codes used in their own family.
In spite of these circumstances, desires of returning to Peru are still held by Peruvians parents; even though the situation is far from reality.
Due to the fact that parents are enforced to choose Japan as the place of their permanent residence, many difficulties and frustrations confront them. Subsequently, I consider the outcomes of enforced-decision important to attend in prospective researches because of its future implications and effects on the family. Then, a critical question has been raised: What are going to be the consequences of enforced- decision for Peruvian families? .The answer is not easy to find out, an analysis of the current situation and the way how Peruvians identify their future are necessary to approach the problem.
Then, after families decide their residence in Japan, I suggest that Peruvian immigrants will choose a different type of migration different from the standard of Stay or Return decision, and the new form could possible be called as the Va y Viene[1] strategy. This new strategy implies that Peruvians would be inclined to commute and share their time between the host and the origin country. They would spend a period in the home country and then come back to the host country. This new strategy has been brought to light because of the framework in which parents decide their residence based on the economic and emotional factors and declining on personal decision and hopes of future repatriation.

[1] Va y Viene means comes and goes in English, but originally used in French as the Va -et- Vient by Coulon and Charles Wolff (2006)
 

RonBee

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They will continue living in Japan?
:)
 

namthao

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Hello Mr. Ronbee,

I haven't seen you sometimes. Where have you been?
Happy new year,

Nam Thao
 

RonBee

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:?::oops:Yes, It wasnt clear right?

P
It could be more clear, yes. You could begin by saying that the Peruvian families will continue living in Japan.

I recommend that the language be simplified.

~R
 

RonBee

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Hello Mr. Ronbee,

I haven't seen you sometimes. Where have you been?
Happy new year,

Nam Thao
I usually post only on the weekend. Only occasionally do I post during the week.

Do you have any comments on the essay?

~R
 

RonBee

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Re:
Subsequently, these two conditional factors would be driven parents toward the enforced-decision.​
What does that sentence mean? Specifically, what is meant by "would be driven parents"?

:?:
 
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RonBee

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Rather than "younger members" I suggest saying "younger children".

~R
 

majeb

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Hi, this is my first post here :) so I hope you don't mind that I am adding my two cents to your request. :oops:

I do believe your text is extremely confusing (I truly don't know where you are from but it looks like something my students would have written, in what I call "their literal translation of too long, filled with words Spanish sentences into English style" ;-). Note: just to make it clear, I am not attacking Spanish speakers since I am a Spanish speaker/Spanish is my mother tongue).

For instance, your first paragraph: something like the following would make it clearer, simpler and straight to the point.

Although Peruvian families will continue living in Japan -since they will keep the family unit intact there and their new and improved way of living- several are considering to return/returning to Peru.

There are multiple factors for this: getting their family together again in the American continent, their homeland new socio-economic development, better job opportunities, etc., being higher salaries and family ties the most influential factsto enforce their return. This enforced decision............

Best wishes
 

RonBee

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Your advice is good, but I would simplify things even further.

Although Peruvian families will continue living in Japan -since they will keep the family unit intact there and their new and improved way of living- several are considering to return/returning to Peru.
Although most of the Peruvian families will continue living in Japan, several of them are considering returning to Peru.
There are multiple factors for this: getting their family together again in the American continent, their homeland new socio-economic development, better job opportunities, etc., being higher salaries and family ties the most influential factsto enforce their return. This enforced decision............
There are many things that affect that decision. Among them are job opportunities and family ties.
:)
 

majeb

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Your advice is good, but I would simplify things even further.

Although most of the Peruvian families will continue living in Japan, several of them are considering returning to Peru.
There are many things that affect that decision. Among them are job opportunities and family ties.
:)


Indeed! :)

I just assumed the text was part of an Academic Paper in which causes should be included in order to explain the Author's conclussions. Therefore, a few more details were required. :oops:

On the other hand, I inferred from yrmacita's text, that some Peruvian families have already returned to Peru, some are now returning, and the ones that remain in Japan are considering those repatriates' experiences (since some were born Peruvians but some had Japanese offsprings that are now living in a whole new culture) to decide what to do.
 

yrmacita

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Thank you very much for all your corrections and suggestions!!

Muchas Gracias
 

RonBee

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Indeed! :)

I just assumed the text was part of an Academic Paper in which causes should be included in order to explain the Author's conclussions. Therefore, a few more details were required. :oops:
There is nothing wrong with including details (explanations), but most of it is hard for me to understand.

On the other hand, I inferred from yrmacita's text, that some Peruvian families have already returned to Peru, some are now returning, and the ones that remain in Japan are considering those repatriates' experiences (since some were born Peruvians but some had Japanese offsprings that are now living in a whole new culture) to decide what to do.
You explained things quite well. (You also read more of it than I did.) It is interesting that you say that some of the Peruvian immigrants have children who are Japanese (born in Japan). That complicates things. If those children were to move to Peru they would not be returning home; they would be leaving home.


Your explanation is, I think, quite good, and it is the way the original should be written.:)
 

yrmacita

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Dear RonBee: Thank you very much for your accurate observation, I tried to say that parents would lead to the enforced decision(stay in Japan)...sorry about my bad writing style!:-(

Dear Majeb: You are so right about my long sentences in English. I will try my best to think more in English and forget Spanish, but still a lot of to learn at the time of writing in English.

Thank you both of you, I really appreciate your corrections and advises.
I would like to ask you something very important to me, now, I am writing my report and I need dome proofreading, would you give me some help with this when I finish it? Hope you can help me.

Sincerely yours,
Irma
 
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