Plz help me out

[Anonymous]

Hi There. I am a new member of this group and i want help from you that how to reproduce the following paragraph in formal writing using style and register:
" Dear Pat,
Sorry we screwed up that order. Sending plants across country is a risky business. Some of them just can't take the strain. Some dys I can't take the strain myself!. We'll send you some more plants sometime next week and we'll credit your account for $372."
(Scene: Your nursery sells plants not only in your store but also by mail order. Roday you've received a letter from Pat Sykes, complaining that the plants(in a $572 order) did not arrive in a satisfactory condition)

This is it. Plz help me and rewrite the above paragraph in formal english.
thnx a lot
Ma-roof

 

[RonBee]

"Dear Pat,
Sorry we screwed up that order. Sending plants across country is a risky business. Some of them just can't take the strain. Some dys I can't take the strain myself!. We'll send you some more plants sometime next week and we'll credit your account for $372."

Try:

• I am sorry to hear that some of the plants we shipped you arrived in unsatisfactory condition. We will be sending replacements for the damaged plants within a week. We will also credit your account for $372. Thank you for your business.

What do you think?

 

[Tdol]

I'd say 'in an unsatifactory condition'. Maybe it's a BE thing, though. ;-)

 

[RonBee]

From a Google search:

• "in unsatisfactory condition" = 737
  "in an unsatisfactory condition" 764

Either one would be okay with me, and I'm sure the customer wouldn't care either.

:wink:

 

[Tdol]

UK pages:
with 'an' 222
without 35

Maybe it is a BE thing, then. ;-)