[Vocabulary] RE: Parallelism Question

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RE: Parallelism Question

Hi folks,

I have been trying to write an introduction to a short story and have recently hit a brick wall.

I am trying to describe the fact that four convicts (two white and two black) are sitting "abreast" in the prison chapel (under the supervision of two guards). I will give you the entire paragraph for the sake of 'context':


"Today, there were four fully time-served canaries chirping with much eagerness for the outside world - ‘Free-as-a-bird!’ was the unanimous word. A pair of white cons sitting abreast to a pair of black cons, flanked by only two officers."

Have I expressed this correctly, please?

I believe "A pair of white cons...a pair of black cons" uses the device 'parallelism' (although I may be wrong)? Personally, I feel it reads OK, however I am not sure if the second "cons" is required - although I am a fan of repetition!

Many thanks in advance for any kind assistance offered here.

Best,

Paul
 
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teechar

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Re: Parallelism Question

Who is the narrator? Can you rewrite the paragraph in a more direct way?
 
Joined
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Re: Parallelism Question

Who is the narrator? Can you rewrite the paragraph in a more direct way?

The narrator's voice will be my voice (e.g. in the sections where there is just description and no dialogue).
 

teechar

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Re: Parallelism Question

Use "abreast of."
 
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