[General] revising of one sentence

Status
Not open for further replies.

vil

Key Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2007
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bulgarian
Home Country
Bulgaria
Current Location
Bulgaria
Dear teachers,

Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

Thanks for your efforts.

Regards,

V.
 

2010

Member
Joined
May 29, 2010
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
English
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
Dear teachers,

Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

Thanks for your efforts.

Regards,

V.

===Not a teacher===

We must make sure that our original expected delivery date is mentioned in the order.
:up:
 
  • Like
Reactions: vil

Rover_KE

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Member Type
Retired English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.


That's fine, Vil.

Rover
 

bertietheblue

Senior Member
Joined
May 21, 2010
Member Type
Other
Native Language
English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Dear teachers,

Would you be kind enough to tell me whether there is something redundant in the following sentence?

We must insist that our original estimated delivery date should be indicated in the order.

Thanks for your efforts.

Regards,

V.

Since you are insisting, there's no need for 'should'. The subjunctive 'be' is possible here but I would more naturally write 'is'. You could argue that the 'must' is redundant but I would keep it as it is emphatic.

If you want to make it even shorter, you could simply write 'require' (again, this can take the subjunctive 'be', but 'is' is more common). I would say that 'require' is more common in business correspondence but less emphatic than 'must insist' - I'd probably write 'must insist' though for emphasis if, for example, there'd been a prior suggestion by the addressee that they wouldn't indicate the estimated delivery date on the order. So:

"We [must insist/require] that our original estimated delivery date is indicated in the order."
 
  • Like
Reactions: vil
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top