SOP Scholarship of Australia Government

kennai

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Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Thai
Home Country
Thailand
Current Location
Thailand
Hi, I have written a SOP scholarship for the Australia Government. Deadline is the first week of December 2021. Please give some feedbacks for me

These are the guidelines provided as below:

A SOP explaining your motivation to join this area, and why you should be elected (500 words)

Nowadays, data is a powerful tool for business development, anticipating future environmental problems, and in the handling of disasters. The University of XXX (XXX) offers a course that links machine learning and big data. As I wish to research into climate change, I plan to study both those fields. This cross-disciplinary learning at XXX seems an ideal route for me to achieve this.

XXX’s postgraduate program would allow me to work with instructors, such as (Professor name 1) and (Professor name 2), who are involved in machine learning for satellite images and data using Bayesian networks research, respectively. With them, I can advance the work I have already completed related to how climate change affects businesses. Over recent years, storms have regularly struck (country name), affecting more than 20,000 households. If we can use the data to predict these events, future loss may be decreased and people’s lives can be saved.

At the (university name), I worked with an advisor on climate change from the Fukushima nuclear power plant explosion in 2011. I have studied how the post-explosion climate affects people, data which we imported into Python. I created models which will predict the behavior and reactions of the people towards the place that they want to live in after an incident related to climate change. Seeing the outcomes of that model was incredibly inspiring to me because I finally realized how carbon energy from nuclear power affects global warming and people's mental health and I want to repeat this experience. Successfully analyzing this study pushes me to pursue climate charts in more depth.

In terms of data-driven predictions, I believe big data is a tool for improving automatic forecasts or decision methods. After I reviewed the XXX curriculum, I became interested in the machine learning and artificial neural networks modules that I didn't study at Derby as they are helpful in predicting possible climate change. This course should provide me with an insight into how data is used to analyze the path of storms, and the site of earthquakes, and to visualize the impacted area.
The courses I have chosen will be a great deal for me to complete my professional and long-term goals. First, the courses I chose will provide me with a broad knowledge of machine learning problems, specifically on forecasting models. And then, with a career-oriented study that covers both technical and functional design considerations, I will be prepared to implement the experience I gained in my country. As a data analyst, this can be a great support to help (country name) through technology improvement. And by sharing knowledge through studies and my networking with data teams, I can be a key role in developing new applications, such as a smartwatch or mobile app that would provide people with free notifications. This project uses data from relevant agencies, with the data collected including rainfall recordings and flood simulations, which can predict storms better than traditional systems. I plan to collect data consisting of images, place locations, and cloud cover that can be processed by AI. The system will simulate climate diagrams to track and forecast flood damage, along with other methods. It can foretell the path of climatic disasters quite accurately and warn people in advance.

I hope you will consider me a suitable candidate for this degree as it will assist me in my career and prepare me to become a professional data scientist.

Thank you

 

emsr2d2

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Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
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English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
Hi. I have written an SOP for a scholarship [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] with/from the Australian Government. The deadline is the first week of December 2021. Please give me some [STRIKE]feedbacks[/STRIKE] feedback. [STRIKE]for me[/STRIKE]

These are the guidelines: [STRIKE]provided as below:[/STRIKE]

A
n SOP explaining your motivation to join this area, and why you should be elected (500 words)

Nowadays, data is a powerful tool for business development, anticipating future environmental problems, and in the handling of disasters. The University of XXX (XXX) offers a course that links machine learning and big data. As I wish to research [STRIKE]into[/STRIKE] climate change, I plan to study both those fields. This cross-disciplinary learning at XXX seems an ideal route for me to achieve this.

XXX’s postgraduate program would allow me to work with instructors, such as (Professor name 1) and (Professor name 2), who are involved in machine learning for satellite images and data using Bayesian networks research, respectively. With them, I can advance the work I have already completed related to how climate change affects businesses. Over recent years, storms have regularly struck (country name), affecting more than 20,000 households. If we can use the data to predict these events, future loss may be decreased and people’s lives can be saved.

At the (university name), I worked with an advisor on climate change from the Fukushima nuclear power plant explosion in 2011. I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] studied how the post-explosion climate affects people
; data [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] that we imported into Python. I created models which will predict the behavior and reactions of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] people towards the place that they want to live in after an incident related to climate change. Seeing the outcomes of that model was incredibly inspiring to me because I finally realized how carbon energy from nuclear power affects global warming and people's mental health, and I want to repeat this experience. (What experience?) Successfully analyzing this study pushes me to pursue climate charts in more depth.

In terms of data-driven predictions, I believe big data is a tool for improving automatic forecasts or decision methods. After I reviewed the XXX curriculum, I became interested in the machine learning and artificial neural networks modules that I didn't study at [university] as they are helpful in predicting possible climate change. This course [STRIKE]should[/STRIKE]
will provide me with an insight into how data is used to analyze the path of storms and the site of earthquakes, and to visualize the impacted area.

The courses I have chosen will [STRIKE]be a great deal for[/STRIKE]
help me to complete my professional and long-term goals. [STRIKE]First, the courses I chose[/STRIKE] They will provide me with a broad knowledge of machine learning problems, specifically on forecasting models. [STRIKE]And then,[/STRIKE] Also, with a career-oriented study that covers both technical and functional design considerations, I will be well-prepared to implement the experience I gained in my country. As a data analyst, this can be a great support to help (country name) through technology improvement. [STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] By sharing knowledge through studies and my networking with data teams, I can [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE] play a key role in developing new applications, such as a smartwatch or mobile app that would provide people with free notifications. Notifications of what? This project uses data from relevant agencies, [STRIKE]with the data collected[/STRIKE] including rainfall recordings and flood simulations, which can predict storms better than traditional systems. I plan to collect data consisting of images, [STRIKE]place[/STRIKE] locations, and cloud cover that can be processed by AI. The system will simulate climate diagrams to track and forecast flood damage, along with other methods. It can foretell the path of climatic disasters quite accurately and warn people in advance.

I hope you will consider me a suitable candidate for this degree as it will assist me in my career and prepare me to become a professional data scientist.

Thank you
.

Please note my changes (in red) and comments (in blue) above. You have chopped and changed quite a lot between saying that the project has already started, is ongoing, and has not yet started. I don't know which is actually the case so I haven't changed any of the relevant verbs but I've underlined them.
 
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