[Grammar] Stopgap arrangement

JRD

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As per the request from the client through the client representative, we attended the request and tried to repair the defective docking station in the master suite of the platinum tower building, but it was found to be damaged beyond repair. This unit needs to be replaced with new one. As per the client representative's urgent request for a stopgap arrangement, we temporarily issued a docking station from our stock as a stopgap arrangement.

Please check the sentences above and advise me if they are grammatically correct.
 

Tarheel

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One of them is (grammatically correct). It is, I think, a good rule of thumb that the longer a sentence is the more likely there are to be mistakes. One clue: look for redundancy. I suggest that you rewrite those sentences aiming for simplicity and clarity.

(P.S. Please delete "attended the request".)

:)
 

Charlie Bernstein

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At the request of the client (delete: through the client representative), we (delete: attended the request and) tried to repair the defective docking station in the master suite of the platinum tower building, but it is damaged beyond repair and needs to be replaced. (delete: with a new one. As per the client repreentative's urgent request for stopgap arrangement). As a stopgap, we temporarily issued a docking station from our stock (delete: as a stopgap arrangement).

Please check the sentences above and advise me if they are grammatically correct.
I agree. It is too wordy, is sometimes redundant, and includes unnecessary information.

No one wants to untangle a rambling paragraph. When you write business letters, assume that the people you're sending them to are as busy as you are - or busier. When you waste words, you waste their time. That is not respectful and will make you look incompentent.

You don't want that. So keep it simple.
 
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