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dean

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Can somebody check my essay?

Many students from different countries were studying in language schools in Australia. The tables indicate the number of foreign students enrolling in language schools and their nationalities.


From the tables, the majority of students were from Asia, and it is interesting to note that the total enrolments were slightly decreased from 64841 in 1996 to 59857 in 1997.The trend continued in 1998,the number of enrolments went down to 43220 in1998.

There was no enrolment from African country in 1996, But the number increased to 126 in 1997 and slightly went up to 499 in 1998.

The tables also highlighted that, not more than 900 students from Central and South Africa were enrolling in language school in 1996.The number somewhat increased in 1997, to 1392.On the other hand, the enrolment slightly reduced to 1345 in 1998.

In the conclusion, the total number of enrolments were the highest in 1996, which wer 72534, then reduced to 69387 in 1997.The trend continued in 1998 which the enrolment decreased to 49442 in 1998.
 

Tdol

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dean said:
and it is interesting to note that the total enrolments were slightly decreased
and it is interesting to note that the total of enrolments decreased slightly
;-)
 

RonBee

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Re:
  • Many students from different countries were studying in language schools in Australia. The tables indicate the number of foreign students enrolling in language schools and their nationalities.

Try:
  • Many students from different countries were studying in language schools in Australia. The tables indicate the number of foreign students enrolled in language schools and their nationalities.

Re:
  • From the tables, the majority of students were from Asia, and it is interesting to note that the total enrolments were slightly decreased from 64841 in 1996 to 59857 in 1997.

As Tdol noted, it is better to say that the enrolments decreased than that they were slightly decreased. Also, in AE we put a comma before the third numeral to the left in numbers that are five digits long or longer. That makes it easier to read them.

Try:
  • According to the tables, the majority of students were from Asia, and it is interesting to note that the total enrolments decreased slightly from 64,841 in 1996 to 59,857 in 1997.

Re:
  • The trend continued in 1998,the number of enrolments went down to 43220 in1998.

You need a period (full stop) or a semicolon after 1998. Also, you might want to say decreased instead of went down.
 
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