[Grammar] Tenses

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motico

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Hello,

I would like to know if the tenses in the paragraph below are used correctly. In addition, there are two questions between brackets that will be happy to be answered. Needless to say that any other correction will be welcomed!

Thank you!


It became clear, retrospectively, 11 days after that meeting, upon the outbreak of Yom Kippur War that King Hussein had known more than had largely been estimated by the Israelis. The king's warning had probably been based on information that had been brought to him by his intelligence services which had managed to get their hands on details regarding the plan of the joint Egyptian-Syrian offensive which had been in the making in Cairo and Damascus. And yet, the king ______ [couldn't or had not been able?] to provide details about the chances of the offensive to eventually be carried out as well as information about[a] date and [a] time [is an indefinite article needed?] of its outbreak. Therefore, he had only outlined his warning without going into detail, thus, making it easy on the Israeli decision makers to disregard it and dismiss it.
 

Raymott

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Hello,

I would like to know if the tenses in the paragraph below are used correctly. In addition, there are two questions between brackets that I would be happy to have answered. [STRIKE]Needless to say that[/STRIKE] Any other correction will be welcomed!
If it's needless to say, you don't need to say it.

Thank you!


It became clear[STRIKE], retrospectively,[/STRIKE] 11 days after that meeting, upon the outbreak of Yom Kippur War, that King Hussein had known more than had largely been estimated by the Israelis.
Too many parenthetical phrases. Besides, you don't need 'retrospectively' because you've described the timing. Also there might be some ambiguity about whether the meeting occurred upon the outbreak of the war. I think you mean:
"It became clear only upon the outbreak of the Yom Kippur War, 11 days after that meeting, that King ... "
The king's warning had probably been based on information that had been brought to him by his intelligence services, which had managed to get their hands on details regarding the plan of the joint Egyptian-Syrian offensive which had been in the making in Cairo and Damascus. And yet, the king had not been able to
provide details about the chances of the offensive [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] eventually being carried out, or[STRIKE] as well as[/STRIKE] information about the date and time of its [STRIKE]outbreak[/STRIKE] planned execution.
(Outbreaks occur spontaneously.)

Therefore, he had only outlined his warning without going into detail, thus making it easy on the Israeli decision makers to disregard it and dismiss it.
Your use of tenses is good.
 

motico

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Thank you very much !:lol:
 
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