Thank you for your correction of my resume and cover letter

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Athena_zhao

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:oops:
If I want to apply a position of the Human Resource Department of the siemens company. I don't know whether my resume and cover letter is appropriate.
please give me some professional guidance, thank you! :D

cover letter

Dear Sir

With the application to the assistant position.

I am the graduate of the Shanghai University, I am interested in applying for the assistant position in the Human Resource Department.

Once I was an assistant of the manager of the Human Resource Department, so I have some experience on this position. At the same time the study in my university gave me some support to this position.

I think I am a studious staff, I will try my best to finish my task. I am also good at the teamwork, so I feel I will be suitable to this position. On the other hand, I like your company very much indeed, it is an effective, innovated and harmonious company. If I can become your staff, I am sure I will be successful.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

resume

Yan Zhao

Room 501, Deyuan Road NO.16,
Nanxiang, Jiading, Shanghai, China, 201800
HT:59000000 MT: 13800000000
weinifrido@163.com

Summary of Qualification

Computer literate: Microsoft Office, Flash, Internet Search
Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6
Successful team leader
Japanese beginner

Relevant Course Work

Organizational Behavior: Management, Motivation and Organization skills Commerce Communication: Communication skills
Commerce English: English in a business environment

Education

Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC) Shanghai University Shanghai, China
Diploma of Shanghai University in International trade July, 2003
Bachelor Degree in International Economics and Trade July, 2005
Received scholarships in 2001, 2002 and 2004

Xinli College Shanghai, China
Customs Courses commenced April, 2004

Experience

Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company Shanghai, China
Secretary of the Human Resource Department from June to August, 2002
Assisted the manager, dealt with the materials, typed the documents

Tutor Taught a Japanese manager Chinese and English from February to august, 2003
Taught a girl English from September to December, 2003
Teaching a boy English, Chinese and Math since January, 2004
 
Last edited:

RonBee

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Say:
  • I want to apply for the position of....
Say:
  • I am a graduate of....

:)
 

Tdol

Editor, UsingEnglish.com
Staff member
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Member Type
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Home Country
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Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6

Native Chinese speaker, fluent in English, passed CET 6
 

RonBee

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Re: Thank you for your correction of my resume and cover let

Athena_zhao said:
:oops:
If I want to apply a position of the Human Resource Department of the siemens company. I don't know whether my resume and cover letter is appropriate.
please give me some professional guidance, thank you! :D


It needs some revision.

Athena_zhao said:
cover letter

Dear Sir

With the application to the assistant position.

I am the graduate of the Shanghai University, I am interested in applying for the assistant position in the Human Resource Department.

Delete the first line.

Say:
  • I am a graduate of Shanghai University, and I am applying for the position of assistant....

Be more specific. (There must be several assistant positions.)

Athena_zhao said:
Once I was an assistant of the manager of the Human Resource Department, so I have some experience on this position. At the same time the study in my university gave me some support to this position.

Say:
  • At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department (Where?), so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

Athena_zhao said:
I think I am a studious staff, I will try my best to finish my task. I am also good at the teamwork, so I feel I will be suitable to this position. On the other hand, I like your company very much indeed, it is an effective, innovated and harmonious company. If I can become your staff, I am sure I will be successful.

Try:
  • I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working withj others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking comoany such as yours.

Athena_zhao said:
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

That is good.

:)

Athena_zhao said:
resume

Yanli Zhao

Room 201, Deyuan Road NO.14,
Nanxiang, Jiading, Shanghai, China, 201802
HT:59126303 MT: 13818936686
weinifrido@163.com

Summary of Qualification

Computer literate: Microsoft Office, Flash, Internet Search
Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6
Successful team leader
Japanese beginner

Relevant Course Work

Organizational Behavior: Management, Motivation and Organization skills Commerce Communication: Communication skills
Commerce English: English in a business environment

Say:
  • Summary of Qualifications

I suggest that you delete Japanese beginner.

I suggest that you say Commercial English or Business English.

Athena_zhao said:
Education

Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC) Shanghai University Shanghai, China
Diploma of Shanghai University in International trade July, 2003
Bachelor Degree in International Economics and Trade July, 2005
Received scholarships in 2001, 2002 and 2004

Xinli College Shanghai, China
Customs Courses commenced April, 2004

Experience

Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company Shanghai, China
Secretary of the Human Resource Department from June to August, 2002
Assisted the manager, dealt with the materials, typed the documents

Say:
  • Received diploma from....
SAy:
  • Received Bachelor's degree in International Economics and Trade from....


Athena_zhao said:
Tutor Taught a Japanese manager Chinese and English from February to august, 2003
Taught a girl English from September to December, 2003
Teaching a boy English, Chinese and Math since January, 2004

Delete Tutor in first line.

:)
 

twostep

Senior Member
Joined
May 10, 2004
Re: Thank you for your correction of my resume and cover let

RonBee said:
Athena_zhao said:
:oops:
If I want to apply a position of the Human Resource Department of the siemens company. I don't know whether my resume and cover letter is appropriate.
please give me some professional guidance, thank you! :D


It needs some revision.

Athena_zhao said:
cover letter

Dear Sir

With the application to the assistant position.

I am the graduate of the Shanghai University, I am interested in applying for the assistant position in the Human Resource Department.

Delete the first line.

Say:
  • I am a graduate of Shanghai University, and I am applying for the position of assistant....

Be more specific. (There must be several assistant positions.)

Athena_zhao said:
Once I was an assistant of the manager of the Human Resource Department, so I have some experience on this position. At the same time the study in my university gave me some support to this position.

Say:
  • At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department (Where?), so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

Athena_zhao said:
I think I am a studious staff, I will try my best to finish my task. I am also good at the teamwork, so I feel I will be suitable to this position. On the other hand, I like your company very much indeed, it is an effective, innovated and harmonious company. If I can become your staff, I am sure I will be successful.

Try:
  • I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working withj others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking comoany such as yours.

Athena_zhao said:
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

That is good.

:)

Athena_zhao said:
resume

Yanli Zhao

Room 201, Deyuan Road NO.14,
Nanxiang, Jiading, Shanghai, China, 201802
HT:59126303 MT: 13818936686
weinifrido@163.com

Summary of Qualification

Computer literate: Microsoft Office, Flash, Internet Search
Native Chinese speaker fluent in English, passed CET 6
Successful team leader
Japanese beginner

Relevant Course Work

Organizational Behavior: Management, Motivation and Organization skills Commerce Communication: Communication skills
Commerce English: English in a business environment

Say:
  • Summary of Qualifications

I suggest that you delete Japanese beginner.

I suggest that you say Commercial English or Business English.

Athena_zhao said:
Education

Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC) Shanghai University Shanghai, China
Diploma of Shanghai University in International trade July, 2003
Bachelor Degree in International Economics and Trade July, 2005
Received scholarships in 2001, 2002 and 2004

Xinli College Shanghai, China
Customs Courses commenced April, 2004

Experience

Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company Shanghai, China
Secretary of the Human Resource Department from June to August, 2002
Assisted the manager, dealt with the materials, typed the documents

Say:
  • Received diploma from....
SAy:
  • Received Bachelor's degree in International Economics and Trade from....


Athena_zhao said:
Tutor Taught a Japanese manager Chinese and English from February to august, 2003
Taught a girl English from September to December, 2003
Teaching a boy English, Chinese and Math since January, 2004

Delete Tutor in first line.

:)

Athena - would you please post a resume with the changes suggested so far. Thank you.
 

Athena_zhao

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2004
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Christmas Island
Current Location
China
Re: Thank you for your correction of my resume and cover let

:?:
In China, our cover letter is very long, we will say many things about our qualification, experience, reason about the application, and so on.
But the Foreign cover letter is short, is that OK? Should I say more things?

cover letter

Dear Sir

I am a graduate of the Shanghai University, I am applying for the position of assistant in the Human Resource Department.

At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department of Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company, so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working with others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking company such as yours.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena

now there are so many resume and cover letter, how can I do a special resume and letter to catch the manager's eyes? I feel it is difficult. :cry:
 

Tdol

Editor, UsingEnglish.com
Staff member
Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Member Type
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
Japan
A cover letter should be short- we like letters short in English. ;-)
 

Athena_zhao

Member
Joined
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Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Christmas Island
Current Location
China
I see :D
thank you for your help.
 

Tdol

Editor, UsingEnglish.com
Staff member
Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Member Type
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
Japan
Yours faithfully

Athena


Use first and last name.
 

Athena_zhao

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2004
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Christmas Island
Current Location
China
Chinese Pinyin

Yanli Zhao

or

English name

Athena Zhao

:?: thank you!
 

RonBee

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Member Type
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Current Location
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Re:
I am a graduate of the Shanghai University, I am applying for the position of assistant in the Human Resource Department.
Say:
I am a graduate of Shanghai University. I am applying for the position of assistant in the Human Resource Department.

Now it is perfect.

;-)
 

Athena_zhao

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2004
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Christmas Island
Current Location
China
the perfect cover letter ;-)

Dear Sir

I am a graduate of Shanghai University. I am applying for the position of assistant in the Human Resource Department.

At one time, I was an assistant to the manager of the Human Resource Department of Huaxin Wire and Cable Limited Company, so I have some experience at that job. Also, my studies at the university gave me some training for that job.

I am a hard-working employee, and I do my best to finish my assigned tasks. I am good at working with others, and I think I would be a good fit for your company. I want to work for an innovative, forward-looking company such as yours.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Athena Zhao


This time I got a invitation from a foreign company because they read my resume, so thanks all of the teachers gave me the help.:-D
 
Last edited:

MW

Member
Joined
Jul 26, 2004
Member Type
Student or Learner
It looks like TDOL and the crew deserve a very big congratulations.

You not only helped her with her English, but at the same time made the help very relevent and meaningfull.

Isn't that what it is really all about?

Not just theoretical but "polytechnic"?

Thanks to all who helped.
 

RonBee

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Member Type
Other
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Home Country
United States
Current Location
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I must agree with Athena's assessment of her cover letter. :up:

Would somebody explain polytechnic to me?

:-?
 

IWANTTOIMPROVE

New member
Joined
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Please Could Someone Check This

City of Houston,


This is Maria Chistina I was married with Mr. John Butry and now I am going through the property distribution process. I have the deeds of the properties but these deeds do not show the prices for which they were bought or sold. I have contacted your office this morning they told me that they could fax me more information if there were mortgages for this properties. This information is vital for my case. I really appreciate your help and kind attention. You can fax me back at :

These are the following address:
please if anyone can help me if this is right
 
Last edited:

IWANTTOIMPROVE

New member
Joined
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Member Type
Student or Learner
_uacct = "UA-162412-4";urchinTracker();City of Houston,


This is Maria Chistina I was married with Mr. John and now I am going through the property distribution process. I have the deeds of the properties but these deeds do not show the prices for which they were bought or sold. I have contacted your office this morning they told me that they could fax me more information if there were mortgages for this properties. This information is vital for my case. I really appreciate your help and kind attention. You can fax me back at :

These are the following address:


please is this right or or not:lol: anyone???
 

RonBee

Moderator
Joined
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Member Type
Other
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Home Country
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Current Location
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Re: Please Could Someone Check This

City of Houston,


This is Maria Chistina I was married with Mr. John Butry and now I am going through the property distribution process. I have the deeds of the properties but these deeds do not show the prices for which they were bought or sold. I have contacted your office this morning they told me that they could fax me more information if there were mortgages for this properties. This information is vital for my case. I really appreciate your help and kind attention. You can fax me back at :

These are the following address:
please if anyone can help me if this is right

Punctuation fulfills an important purpose. It helps with clarity. Try:
This is Maria Chistina. I was married to Mr. John Butry, and now I am going through the property distribution process. I have the deeds of the properties, but these deeds do not show the prices for which they were bought or sold. I contacted your office this morning, and they told me that they could fax me more information if there were mortgages for those properties. This information is vital for my case. I would really appreciate your help and kind attention. You can fax me at:

These are the following addresses:
~R
 
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