The bus doors slid open

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

The bus doors slid open and two uniformed men climbed inside. Someone shouted, "Ticket inspectors!" which triggered tumult when those without a valid ticket bolted for the exit.
 

Phaedrus

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I like your sentences here and find them correct. You could put a comma after "open," but I think it's good that you didn't, since the two independent clauses are so short. In AmE, some of us, including me, would put a comma between the exclamation point and the closing quotation mark of "Ticket inspectors!" The relative clause is nonrestrictive.

Apart from punctuation, I'd prefer "triggered a great deal of commotion" to "triggered tumult" and would convert the "when"-clause into an absolute construction -- which is kind of fancy, but I think it would work well here: Someone shouted, "Ticket inspectors!," which triggered a great deal of commotion, those without a valid ticket bolting for the exit.
 

emsr2d2

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In the UK, there would never be an exclamation mark and a comma just before closing quotation marks.
 

Phaedrus

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That's why I specified "in AmE." From The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference (Lutz & Stevenson, 2005, p. 261): "If a quotation ending with a question mark or an exclamation point is immediately followed by a participial phrase, a dependent clause, or a long independent clause beginning with a coordinating conjunction, insert a comma before the closing quotation mark." They give the following example:

She shouted, "Come back!," as if he were finally ready to listen to reason.
 

GoesStation

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I wouldn't use that punctuation. It looks clumsy to me.
 

Phaedrus

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I would. It looks logical to me.
 
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