The Fatal Love

[Ayed]

Hi all .
The Fatal Love

In the past , it was said when Al-Asma’I --a famous Arabic poet , walked around in the Peninsula land , he passed by a rock on which a poetic line was inscribed , reads:
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell a guy possessed by love,
What and how should he do”
Al-Asma’I instantly engraved a poetic line right under lover’s says:

“Enjoy his love and hold his secret , be submissive and subject”.

On the day following, Al-Asma’I got back to the same rock and saw a new line of verse inscribed , reads:
“ As being killed by love, how can he live,
And heart is being torn up per day?”

Then Al-Asma’I again engraved another poetic line reads :
“If he’s unpatient to hold his secret ,
No assistive thing other than passing away.

Al-Asma’I said:”Got back to the rock on the 3rd day , I found the love-possessed guy dead after he had written on a leather rug the following two poetic lines:”

“Heard, submitted and then we died ;
To whom desists love reunion , convey my peace ”

“To delight rejoicer , congratulation I say;
And to the poor adorer who has decayed”

By the way, poetry cannot be conveyed into another language as it is.Rhyme is apparently spoiled . Lines are separately scattered …ect..I tried to rhyme the lines but in vain.
I hope I have transferred the meaning .

Accept Ayed’s remembeances.

 

[RonBee]

You are right that poetry often does not translate well from one language to another. (It tends to be culture-specific.) Would you like some comments on the text?

 

[Ayed]

You are right that poetry often does not translate well from one language to another. (It tends to be culture-specific.) Would you like some comments on the text?

thank you , Mr.RonBee
Yes, I always need your comments and other's .
hang your hat , St.Louisan

 

[RonBee]

I have to make this one brief, because I really should be doing something else right now. :wink:

The Fatal Love

In the past , it was said when Al-Asma’I --a famous Arabic poet , walked around in the Peninsula land , he passed by a rock on which a poetic line was inscribed , reads:
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell a guy possessed by love,
What and how should he do”

The Fatal Love

In the past , it was said when Al-Asma’I --a famous Arabic poet , walked around in the Peninsula land , he passed by a rock on which a poetic line was inscribed , reading:
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell me what to do,
For I am most hopelessly possessed by love.”

I might still have to work on that somewhat, but I think it scans better than the original. What do you think?

 

[Ayed]

I have to make this one brief, because I really should be doing something else right now. :wink:

The Fatal Love

In the past , it was said when Al-Asma’I --a famous Arabic poet , walked around in the Peninsula land , he passed by a rock on which a poetic line was inscribed , reads:
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell a guy possessed by love,
What and how should he do”

The Fatal Love

In the past , it was said when Al-Asma’I --a famous Arabic poet , walked around in the Peninsula land , he passed by a rock on which a poetic line was inscribed , reading:
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell me what to do,
For I am most hopelessly possessed by love.”

I might still have to work on that somewhat, but I think it scans better than the original. What do you think?

Thank you so much Mr.RonBee
In Arabic style, poet often adressess the third person as above.
“O, lovers! , by Allah, tell a guy possessed by love,
What and how should he do”[/quote]
Accept my greetings .
Ayed

Do not forget click onthis link:
https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=12504#12504

 

[RonBee]

Well, I wouldn't use guy there. (Wrong tone.) Perhaps:
"O, lovers! , by Allah, tell a man possessed by love,
What should he do and how should it be done?”

What do you think?

 

[Ayed]

guy .What do you think?

Because he was a cowboy,
Yes, sure it fits , man

 

[RonBee]

Um, an Arab cowboy? I had never heard of that before.

:roll:

 

[Tdol]

Interesting idea. ;-)

 

[RonBee]

[No message]

 

[RonBee]

Anyhow:

Al-Asma’I instantly engraved a poetic line right under lover’s says:

“Enjoy his love and hold his secret , be submissive and subject”.

On the day following, Al-Asma’I got back to the same rock and saw a new line of verse inscribed , reads:
“ As being killed by love, how can he live,
And heart is being torn up per day?”

Perhaps:

• Right away, Al-Asma’I engraved a poetic line right under the lover's verse:
  
  “Enjoy his love and hold his secret , be submissive and subject”.
  
  On the day following, Al-Asma’I got back to the same rock and saw a new line of verse inscribed there:
  “ As being killed by love, how can he live,
  His heart being torn apart day by day?”

What do you think?

 

[RonBee]

Then Al-Asma’I again engraved another poetic line reads :
“If he’s unpatient to hold his secret ,
No assistive thing other than passing away.

"If he is impatient to reveal his secret" makes sense. The second line seems to say there is nothing for him but to die.

Al-Asma’I said:”Got back to the rock on the 3rd day , I found the love-possessed guy dead after he had written on a leather rug the following two poetic lines:”

“Heard, submitted and then we died ;
To whom desists love reunion , convey my peace ”

“To delight rejoicer , congratulation I say;
And to the poor adorer who has decayed”

So, it's a good thing that the man died? (To desist is to stop doing something.)