[Essay] thesis

Status
Not open for further replies.
K

kenny321

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Could I get some feedback on my thesis?

Professional athletes make a positive impact, and leave a lasting impression on children in the fight against children in the fight against childhood obesity.
 
emsr2d2

emsr2d2

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
UK
kenny321 said:
Could I get some feedback on my thesis?

Professional athletes make a positive impact, and leave a lasting impression on children in the fight against children in the fight against childhood obesity.
Click to expand...

That's your thesis?! It's a bit short. There's also something very wrong with the section I've marked in red.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top