today...

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miya

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[FONT=바탕]Today I went to Pusan.[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]I went there with my dad and my dad[/FONT][FONT=바탕]s friends.[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]I was so sad. Why?[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]Because I missed my English class.[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]But it was very fun. I left home at 6:30p.m and I arrived in Pusan at 11:10 p.m.[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]The next day I got up at 8:00 in the morning.[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]We ate the thick beef soup and went to the MT, Seorak and took a cable car[/FONT]
[FONT=바탕]It's very nice day.[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]Could you check it for me?[/FONT]
I'm bigginer of English.
 

Barb_D

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[FONT=바탕]Yesterday I went to Pusan. Do you see why it has to be yesterday?[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]I went there with my dad and my dad[/FONT][FONT=바탕]s friends. Okay.[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]I was so sad. Why? [/FONT][FONT=바탕]Because I missed my English class. I would keep these three lines together. it's informal and conversational to start with "Because" but may be okay in this context. People talk this way, but usully don't write this way in formal English. I was so sad because I missed my English class.[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]But it was very fun. Same comment - to start with "But" is conversational, not formal.[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]I left home at 6:30p.m and I arrived in Pusan at 11:10 p.m. [/FONT][FONT=바탕]The next day I got up at 8:00 in the morning. [/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]We ate [don't use "the" here] [/FONT][FONT=바탕]thick beef soup and went to the MT [I don't know what this is] and Seorak and took a cable car.[/FONT]

[FONT=바탕]It was very nice day. It's is never use for "it was."[/FONT]

[not a teacher]

[FONT=바탕]Could you check it for me?[/FONT]
I'm bigginer of English.[/quote]
 

jamiep

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Just a couple of extra points.


[FONT=바탕]"But it was very fun." [/FONT]

Change this to "it was fun" or "it was very much fun"

Like Barb said, you need to use "was" not "is" but you also need to use the article "a".
"It was a very nice day"
 

miya

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Mar 8, 2008
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Student or Learner
Thank you so much for your help.
I could understand easily that what I made some mistakes.
Thank you.:-D
 
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